Now, I'd just gotten back my license. And I was headed right back to my same old friends. Kane wasn't having any of it.
I knew he was right, but goddammit, I hated him!
If I wanted to throw my life away on drugs or whatever, it wasn't any of his fucking business.
What was he doing? Just keeping my mother around so he could torture me like this?
I went to my room. I stripped off my clothes until I had nothing on but my panties and beat up old tank top. Then I turned up the radio full blast.
I alternated between screaming at the top of my lungs and crying.
"Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!" I shouted into the air.
Then I'd sob. Then I'd start yelling again.
Kane must have knocked on the door. He always did. But I just didn't hear him, I'm sure.
So I was surprised when he opened the door.
I sat there in my lace panties and torn up tank top. Jesus Christ! You could practically see my boobs through that tank top. And you sure as well could catch a glimmer of my pubic hair through the lace panties.
And there were tears all over my face. I tried to say something. I wanted to shout at Kane. I wanted to scream at him.
Instead I just looked at him. I stared right at him.
And he froze, too. His mouth nearly fell open. And he stared right at me.
I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I just did it. I brought my hands up to my chest. I put them right under my breasts. I pushed up at them.
"Yeah, I got hooters, too, just like my mom." I said. "Guess with all my baggy clothing you never noticed. Come on in, Daddy. I'll fuck you."
It was such a cruel thing to do. Kane had been nothing but good to me. Nothing but good. He really had watched out for me. Got me in could school. Tried to keep me straight. Made sure I always ate at well. Made sure I always had him to talk to.
What the hell was I doing? Why'd I want to hurt him so bad?
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"I'm sorry, Amanda," he said. "I didn't mean to walk in on you like that."
He said it like I'd said absolutely nothing. Then he slowly shut the door.
I felt it was over then. Between us. Since the time my mother had married him, he'd really tried to be like a father for me. And now I'd done this to him.
I felt ashamed. I felt I'd crossed a bridge from which there was no going back. Hell, I felt like I'd fallen off a goddamn cliff.
I decided then what I'd have to do. I was getting out. I was leaving. It's not like I didn't have money. I had all kind of accounts Kane had set up for me.
He'd never take that money away from me. That was just the kind of guy he was.
Yeah, it was time to go. The only thing I needed was my wheels. But after what had just happened, I knew Kane would give me the keys back. All I had to do was ask now. He'd feel too ashamed to say no.
So I slipped on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. I went to Kane's room. I knocked on the door.
Of course, my mother wasn't home. She was out gambling and drinking as usual. She might be back tomorrow or next week. You could never tell with her.
Kane didn't answer his door. So I knocked again. Still no answer.
I guessed that this time it was my turn to walk in on him. I turned the door. The room wasn't locked. I eased the door open.