“It was fine.” She shoots me a questioning look, so I add some artificial pep to my tone. “Fun. I had a fun day. How were things at the store?”
“The usual. Do you want this?” She holds up a pink summer dress by its hanger.
“Umm, maybe. You’re getting rid of stuff? I thought you said you were going to have a giant walk-in closet in your new house.”
Her eyes light up and a goofy grin spreads across her face. “Yes, I am, but I don’t need to keep all of this. Best to leave room for new clothes, you know?”
“Sure. I guess.” Casting my eyes around the room, I see that Lacy has already packed away a lot of her belongings. The walls are bare, and there are a cluster of half-filled boxes in a corner. When my gaze lands on my sister again, her grin has grown to a broad smile and she’s frozen in place, a faraway look on in her eyes. “Lacy? What’s up?”
She drops the blouse she was holding and comes over to take the other seat at the dining table, leaning in close. “B, can you keep a secret? Just for a couple of days, anyway. I’ve got to tell somebody. I’m about to burst.”
“What’s going on?”
My sister grabs my hand and squeezes it. “I’m pregnant!”
“What? Oh wow, that’s great!” I get up and pull her into a hug. “Congratulations!”
I can feel and practically even see the happy vibes flowing from my sister.
“I just found out this morning. You’re the first person I’ve told. I’ve been trying to let it sink in all day.”
“You didn’t tell Mom and Dad yet?”
“I didn’t want to tell them on your birthday. It’s your special day.”
“Oh, well, that was thoughtful of you, I guess. You could have told them, though.”
“I want to tell the men first, anyway, and then I’ll tell Mom and Dad. Keep it between us now, okay?”
“Sure.” I want to ask Lacy if she knows which of her men is the baby’s father, but I don’t. I can’t really fathom how it all works, her being with four guys. Do they each get a night with her? Do they line up and take turns? I don’t know, and really don’t want to know.
We talk a bit longer about her hopes for the baby (she wants a girl but would also love having a boy), how she plans to announce the pregnancy, and how she thinks her men will react. I get caught up in her excitement when I’m with her, but as soon as I’m back in my room alone, I’m more despondent than ever.
My sister is creating a new life and starting a family, my best friend is applying to go on a glamorous TV show and date gorgeous strangers, and I’m hanging out with guy friends and having freakish surprise orgasms out of virginal frustration.
I wish I could listen to Olivia about finding a random man and just getting it over with, but every time I try to think about having sex with someone I barely know, I feel a little ill. I want someone I can trust to take their time with me, who I know won’t laugh at all of the things I don’t know. And I want to be with someone I care about, because I don’t think I could go through with it if feelings weren’t there.
But she’s right that I need to open up more. I’ve always been tall for my age, and my breasts developed before other girls’ did. I had to learn early on to shut down unwanted advances. Maybe shutting guys down has become my default setting.
Another reason I’m still single might be the fact that I’ve been spending so much time with the Evans brothers. How can I expect to meet someone special when I’m always hanging out at their house? I’ve gone out to bars with them a couple of times but it’s not as if another guy is going to try to talk to me when I’m accompanied by four men.
I definitely need to see a lot less of them. Actually, after today, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to face them again. That mortifying incident was definitely a sign that I need to make some changes in my life.
Digging into the pocket on my phone case, I find the folded slip of paper the waiter gave me, and before I can overthink things, I send him a text.
7
Destined to be single
A few nights later, I put on the dress that Lacy gave me. It looks like it’s new, and since the night is warm, I decide it will be a good choice to wear on my date with Tom, the waiter.
I feel okay when I start out toward the waterfront seafood restaurant where we agreed to meet, but the closer I get, the more uncomfortable I am. My palms are sweaty on the steering wheel and I find myself fidgeting in my seat at stop signs. Also, I need to pee – a sure sign that I’m nervous.