“However, she has asked,” Emmet said in a calm voice, “and I have said yes.”
“I know you see this as some grand romantic gesture, my boy.” Rivkah spun toward me and flung out her hand. “Look at her. I mean it, look at her. She has another man’s ring on her hand and another man’s child in her womb. She isn’t yours. She never will be yours.”
“I know that.” Emmet lowered his eyes, focusing on the floor a few inches before his toes. “But I will always be hers.” My heart broke at his words. I knew I had taken advantage of his feelings for me to enlist his help. I was using him, asking him to die for me, and when I was finished, I’d send him away. I would have to. I could never give myself to him the way he wanted. I hated myself for bringing him into this.
Rivkah reached up and took his chin in her hand. She started to speak, but stopped herself. Her shoulders rose and then she sighed.
My pulsed pounded in my head and the room darkened. The room felt hot and close. “No.” The word came out before my conscious mind was sure what I was objecting to. “Don’t do this. We won’t do this. I won’t do this. I’m sorry.” I looked up over my shoulder at Iris. “We cannot ask this of Emmet. I’m sorry about Grandma. I am.”
The tension in Rivkah’s face melted. The tightness in her lips released. Her brow descended, and her eyes warmed. “There’s the girl I know and love.”
“However, this is not your choice to make,” Emmet said. “It is mine.” He knelt before me. He had no words for me, but the way he stared at me, the lids of his eyes covering the onyx irises nearly to his already concealed pupils, told me everything he wanted to say. I closed my own eyes as I couldn’t bear his message. I loved my husband. I had no doubt of that in my mind. For the shortest of moments, though, I wished I could split myself in two, setting free the part of my heart this golem-turned-man had claimed. I buried that wish and opened my eyes.
He looked over my shoulder at Iris. “Shall we proceed?”
“I’ll get Ellen and Oli.” Iris started for the swinging door, but stopped and turned back. “Thank you,” she said addressing Emmet.
“I warn you, Iris.” Rivkah pointed at Iris’s face. “I have always loved and supported your family, but if any lasting harm comes to Emmet . . .”
“I appreciate your support and return your affection wholeheartedly. We won’t fail Emmet.”
“But if you do . . .” Rivkah insisted.
“I will give my own life to return him to you.” The two women regarded each other for a moment as the pact between them was sealed. The moment having passed, Iris turned and left the room. I wondered if it were truly possible, to trade one life for another.
“I’ll go run the bath,” Maisie said. “Excuse me.” She followed Iris out of the room, her movements cautious, nearly silent, as if she were afraid to upset the delicate balance we had found.
“Please, my boy. Don’t go through with this.” Rivkah looked at me, commanding me silently to back her up.
“I’m sorry I asked you to do this,” I said. “It was wrong of me. I don’t want you to.”
Emmet stood to his full impressive height, causing me to crane my neck to take him in. “You are lying to yourself,” he said, crossing his arms and looking down at me with his irritating, smug smile. “You want me to help your grandmother, but you don’t want to be the one responsible for my taking the risk of doing so.” He reached down and placed his warm palm against my reddening cheek. “I hereby absolve you. This is my choice,” he said, then regarded Rivkah, “and I would do the same thing even if there were no Mercy.”
“Now, who’s lying to himself?” Rivkah made a huffing sound. “I see you are determined.” She lowered her head.
“Sooner started, sooner done.” Emmet smirked at the cliché. He held out his hand to help me stand.
“No.” I refused both his courtesy and his sacrifice.
“Yes,” he said. “You must be there to serve as my beacon.” He reached down and took my hand. I couldn’t bring myself to look him directly in the eye. “Mercy.” His voice came out sharp and shocked me so that I had to face him. Despite the harshness of his voice, his face was smiling. “Don’t worry. Nothing will keep me from returning. As long as I know you are waiting for me.” Guilt, love, annoyance, gratitude, confusion. In my father’s native German, there was probably a single word to describe the feelings that washed over me. My own vocabulary had no such term. “Come now.” His smile turned back to a smirk. “Many hands make for light work.”
“You two go ahead,” I said. “I’ll come up in a moment.”
They left me alone in the kitchen, Rivkah cackling like a hen at her newly adopted chick. I leaned back in my chair, placing my hands against my lower back and stretching. I ran my hand over my stomach. I halfway expected to feel a reproval coming from Colin, but I only sensed he was at rest.
I took my cup to the sink and emptied it. I washed it by hand and sat it on the drain board. I contemplated the chip in the sink’s porcelain. I pondered the spots on the splash. “They’re ready.” Maisie’s voice startled me. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I’m a bit jumpy. It isn’t every day you kill somebody, you know?”
“I’m trying to keep it down to two a week.” We caught each other’s eyes, and even though I knew it was wicked of us, we both burst out laughing. “Go on, they’re waiting for you.”
“You’re not coming?”
“No. Rivkah is very happy to see me up and well, not so happy with the thought of my helping to drown her son.” She sensed I was trying to find words to comfort her and held up her hand to stop me. “No, seriously, I’m trying to keep my homicides down to two a week, and I have the feeling I might need to save my second for a day or two.”
“You are terrible,” I said.
“And you can be a pest. Get out of here and leave me alone.”