“It was a risky plan.”
“Yes, but I was very hungry. And taking this risk turned out better than I could’ve hoped.”
By then, Tobias had brought his horse over to us. Despite the embrace he had just shared with her, he was awkward once again as he assisted her into the saddle. I climbed up next to ride with her back to camp. Her arms were around my waist, but I felt her turn back to look at Tobias as we rode off. It sealed in my mind a suspicion that had been growing for some time.
Tobias and the princess were in love.
Mott joined us soon after we arrived at camp, and was clearly as relieved as the rest of us to find the princess safe and unharmed. But I also caught him staring at me with his brows pressed low. Clearly, he understood that something was bothering me, but he knew better than to ask.
We built up the fire for her warmth, offered her tea, then Mott began warming her some food while Tobias and I reorganized the camp for her comfort and privacy. For his own safety, I would’ve preferred it if Tobias worked much farther away from me, but he seemed too focused on her return to be aware of my anger. While we worked, she told us the remainder of her story from the time Tobias had been captured.
“I knew I had to get inside Carthya’s borders,” she said as she ate. “But they were searching for me so heavily in the north, I was forced to go south. Finally, I was able to cross into Carthya and hoped to find some of our own people who would help me get to Drylliad.”
“Everyone’s gone to Drylliad already,” I said. “It’s not safe for the families out here on their own. And especially not safe for you. Why didn’t you go on to Bymar, as we planned?”
My tone was harsher than it ought to have been and she would have been justified in replying with equal harshness. But instead, she softened her words. “They told us you were dead.”
“I might’ve been! That’s all the more reason to protect yourself!”
“No, it meant I had to return to the castle so that our people could be assured the throne still stands! If they know what they are fighting for, people will continue to fight, but if word spread of your death, they would start to wonder. I had to return so that I could provide them a purpose.”
I stopped my work to steady my emotions. Whatever else I felt, words like that marked her as a true royal. There was no question of either her courage or nobility.
Tobias said, “The night before we left the castle, you asked her to rule if something happened to you, and to consider a husband from Carthya. She only did what you wanted, Jaron.”
“Really?” I didn’t need his help with this. He’d already helped me plenty. I felt my anger rise again. “Is this what either of you think I want?”
Amarinda drew in a breath to say something, catching my attention, but she remained silent. We continued staring at each other until Mott stood and said, “I’ll check on the horses.” He cocked his head at Tobias. “You should help me.”
“Why?” Tobias clearly wasn’t interested in going anywhere. “They’ve been fed and watered, and their knots are good.”
“Because I told you to come and help!”
From the tone of Mott’s voice, Tobias must’ve realized their leaving had nothing to do with the horses. But I didn’t miss his glance back at Amarinda, full of sympathy that she was left alone with me, and regret that he would not be allowed to remain here with her.
I carried another log to the fire, then sat on a fallen tree trunk to watch it burn. This night seemed to have gone on forever, and all I wished for was that it might end. Before long, Amarinda came to sit near me, and we watched the fire together. Something needed to be said, but I had no idea where to begin.
Open as the sky was around us, I suddenly felt closed in, and my heart raced, though I couldn’t be sure why. Was I angry? Not really, though I had every right to be. Hurt? Yes, though if she had believed me to be dead, her affections for Tobias weren’t intended to cause me any sadness. Perhaps I felt displaced, as if I belonged nowhere, and to nobody. In all the glory of being a king, I was still an unwanted orphan of the streets.
Finally, she said, “While you were with the pirates, Tobias spent a long time trying to help me understand you.”
I scoffed. “Yes, I can imagine that took many hours.”
“It was more like many days.” She smiled back at me, but not in a mocking way. I doubted she was capable of that sort of unkindness. “He told me that, back at Farthenwood, you once said you had no desire to be king. Was that true, or only part of your disguise as Sage?”
A quiet sigh escaped my lips. “Nothing I said at Farthenwood was more honest.”
“We’re very different people, Jaron, but in that one way, we’re so much alike. You never wanted the crown, nor did I. In fact, in all my life, I have never been asked what I wanted.”
How familiar that sounded. My own complaints weren’t so different.
She continued, “From the moment of my birth, I was a betrothed princess, destined for your brother. When I was old enough, I left my home in Bymar and came to live in Drylliad, to get to know Darius better. Eventually, I gave my emotions to him and anticipated a life of happiness at his side. Then one morning he was dead. Gone. And almost as quickly I was expected to put aside everything I ever felt for Darius, to pretend that I wasn’t completely hollow inside. On the same night that Darius’s murder was confirmed, I was suddenly faced with betrothal to another husband, to you. I know that’s how things had to be, but I don’t think anyone understood how hard it was to face you, looking so much like Darius and yet serving as a constant reminder that he was gone.”
“Please forgive me.” I felt selfish to my core, to have dwelled so much on my own wishes and frustrations that, for all this time, I had failed to consider the pain she must have felt.
“There’s nothing to forgive,” she said. “The betrothal wasn’t your desire any more than it was mine. Yet despite all that, we built a friendship. And then as the war began, you became the first to ever ask what I wanted for my life. To marry you, if I wanted, or to choose my own way. I thank you for that. In many ways, that is the most love anyone has ever shown me.” She drew in a slow breath, and then said, “You promised never to lie to me, correct?”
“Yes.”