And even if it’s offered with no expectations, accepting help makes you weak, dependent on other people when the only person you should be dependent on is yourself. That way, the only person who can let you down is yourself. You’re more in control that way.
But I’d be a moron not to let the Sinners do this for me if they want to. I swallow my pride just enough to let myself accept this favor, just once.
Elias nods, his light brown eyes warming. He looks pleased, not so much by the fact that I said thanks, but by the fact that I’m not shoving his offered help back in his face. I’m not shutting him out.
He opens his mouth as if to add something, but then closes it again. The room is quiet, and I can barely hear the sounds of activity in the hallways outside anymore. It all seems to fade away.
Suddenly, all I’m really aware of is how close to the bed he’s standing, leaning up against it as he holds my hand. The way his fingers interlace with mine, and the heat that’s trapped between our palms.
I haven’t kissed Elias since the night when my paintings were destroyed, but I sure as hell haven’t forgotten it. I haven’t forgotten how his mouth felt on mine, how his kiss was different than Gray’s or Declan’s. The way he touched me and looked at me, and how fucking perfect it felt.
I know I pulled away after that, purposefully. I wasn’t sure how to handle the things I was feeling for all of them. I thought maybe it was just my imagination, that I was talking myself into believing they felt the same things I did. That the intensity of the connection between me and Gray was mirrored by my growing connection to Elias and Declan.
But as time goes on, as they do shit like visit me in the hospital and offer to pay for my medical bills and look at me the way Elias is looking at me right now? It’s getting harder and harder to deny it, even to myself.
There’s something here.
It’s real.
And it’s not going away.
It may have been Gray that found me first, but I’m beginning to realize that it’s all of them that I have feelings for. Whatever those feelings might mean—whether it’s physical or emotional, I feel something for all of them that goes way past a flirtatious friendship.
Elias’s gaze is steady as he leans forward, brushing the strands of blue and blonde hair away from my face. His touch is gentle, impossibly tender, barely a skim of his fingertips against my skin, but it leaves fire in its wake.
I may not remember the party where I got hurt, but I remember what it felt like to kiss Elias, and I think he remembers how it felt too.
His gaze drags to my lips, his exhale fanning against my cheek as he leans in, fingers brushing along my jawline.
Just as I tilt my chin up, my lips about to brush his, the door bursts open. Elias and I break apart, the tension between us dissipating as we both glance toward the door. I can’t tell if I’m sad or relieved that we were interrupted before we could take that mom
ent any further.
Ah, who the fuck am I kidding?
My body is still aching, hungry for what it was denied. Maybe the smarter thing is to keep my walls up around the Sinners, but that’s getting harder and harder. It’ll slip over into impossible any day now.
But at least the person who interrupted us is someone I’m happy to see.
“Oh hey, Max.” Elias grins at my best friend, the only other scholarship student admitted to Hawthorne this year. “What’s up?”
Max’s eyes flicker from me to Elias, then back to me. I don’t know if she saw how close our faces were when she walked in, but she doesn’t seem surprised if she did notice it. She cocks her head at Elias, tossing her dark hair over her shoulder. “You’re here early.” She grins. “What, did you drug Declan and Gray so they’d sleep in and give you guys a little alone time?”
“Hey, if they can’t be bothered to get up on time, that’s on them,” Elias jokes.
I glance between the two of them, a little surprised by their easy banter. Not that Max dislikes the guys, at least not anymore. She hated them when they were being assholes to me, but as things improved between me and the Sinners, she lightened up her death glares toward them.
Now though, they seem positively chummy.
“Well, it’s my turn to claim her.” Max walks into the room, letting the door shut behind her. “You guys were all here when she woke up yesterday, and I wasn’t. So I’m calling in best friend privileges.”
“Yeah, yeah. All right, fine.” Elias rolls his eyes, but releases his grip on my hand before bending to kiss my temple. “Catch you later, Blue.”
He gives me a small wink as he leaves the room.
Max doesn’t waste a second, hurrying over to my bedside as soon as the spot opens up. “God, it’s good to see you awake, Sophie. I’ve been here a couple times, but you’ve always been asleep. And I just missed you yesterday. I would’ve come back, but by the time Gray texted me that you’d woken up, he said you were out again and needed rest.”
“How long have I been here?” I ask, sitting up a little in the bed. I’m feeling a bit stronger than I did yesterday, and more mentally alert too. More like myself.