She slumped back on her seat, shaking her head. “It’s Gabriel.” She said it with certainty, as if I’d already confessed. “I knew it.”
“I don’t understand what your objection is. The guys I dated before were losers. I get why you didn’t like them. Gabriel isn’t anything like them.”
“No, he’s serious and a father and very settled. None of those things describe you or where you are in your life.”
“But it doesn’t mean I don’t like him or can’t like him. That we don’t or can’t like each other. I don’t get it.”
“You’re both at different stages of your life. You want to travel and see the world. He’s got different priorities.”
“Well, first off, let me remind you who’s responsible for me going to Rome. I got to go to a wonderful city and see amazing things that I could only ever dream about, all because of Gabriel. So don’t act like he’s stopping me from fulfilling my dreams. In fact, he’s actively supporting me in them.”
Hollie shifted around so she was facing me. “But that’s one trip. What happens if you want to go to Bali for three months? He’s hardly going to strap Bethany on his back and stay in some hostel with you and a bunch of other twentysomethings.”
“You’ll be happy to know I’ve realized that five-star hotels make a much nicer base than hostels when travelling.” I laughed, hoping to lighten the atmosphere. “Also, I’ve never mentioned Bali. I’ll start a job in September, which means I won’t get a chance to spend three months anywhere but London.”
“But you’re in their international program. What happens if they assign you outside London?”
“You’re thinking too far ahead, Hollie. It’s not venues for my wedding we’re looking at today.” I didn’t want to think too far in the future. Things would get complicated that way, and I liked how things were now. Easy. Simple. Right.
“So you’re not serious about him?” she asked.
I didn’t allow myself to think about the answer to that question. It kept popping up in my own head, but each time I simply dunked it under the surface like the boys used to do to each other in the pool.
“We’re having fun,” I replied, giving the pre-arranged answer Gabriel and I had agreed on.
“Gabriel doesn’t do ‘just fun.’ He’s a serious man with serious responsibilities.”
“Trust me, he knows how to have fun, Hollie.” I raised my eyebrows at her.
“Oh God, tell me you’re using birth control.”
“Yes. Condoms and I’m still on the pill.”
“Well, that’s one thing at least. But seriously, he’s been hurt before. His wife leaving devastated him, from what Dexter has said. If you’re just having fun and he’s serious about you—”
“I didn’t say that.” The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Gabriel. I wasn’t sure what had happened with his wife, but I couldn’t imagine what would make a woman walk out on a man as truly good and kind and sexy-as-hell as Gabriel. Or a daughter as fun and vibrant and wonderful as Bethany.
“So, you’re saying you’re serious about him?”
Whatever I said, Hollie wouldn’t be happy. If I was serious about Gabriel, I’d be compromising my future. If I wasn’t serious about him, I’d be bound to hurt him. I was in a lose-lose situation.
“Look, if I’m being completely honest with you, I’ve never felt like this about anyone.” She looked like I’d just told her I wasn’t going to attend her wedding, but she needed to understand. “He’s kind and funny and caring. He loves his daughter. He’s thoughtful and a great listener. I enjoy being with him.”
“Oh, Autumn. But you’re so young and—”
“Just listen for a second. We know that whatever there is between us is . . . There are external factors that . . . You know, it’s difficult. So we’ve agreed not to look too far ahead and just enjoy each day.”
But in the moments after Bethany fell asleep and before Gabriel came home, I couldn’t help thinking about what if. I liked Gabriel. Really liked him. And I suspected I wouldn’t want to give him up when it came time for me to leave.
“I know you better than you know yourself,” Hollie started. Her voice was quiet and gentle—no trace of the Sensible Sister tone I’d expected. “And to most people you might come across as some kind of free spirit who’s drifted along, happy to be pushed in one direction or another by your sister. But we both know that’s not true. I didn’t make you work your ass off at school and college. You had your sights set on a better life just as much as I did. You’re focused and determined and you’ve always got one eye on the future. Those boys you dated back in Oregon were always going to get left behind by you. You’ve said it yourself. But what about Gabriel? Is he just another that you’ll leave in your rear-view mirror, or are you going to compromise what you want to stay by his side?”