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"These might be a bit old-fashioned about you, though."

"Dem deep-down dwarfs?"

"That"s right."

"I heard about dem."

"There"s still wars with trolls up near the Hub, I hear. Tact and diplomacy will be called for."

"You have come to der right troll for dat, sir," said Detritus.

"You did push that man through that wall last week, Detritus."

"It was done with tact, sir. Quite a fin wall."

Vimes let it go at that. The man in question had just laid out three watchmen with a club, which Detritus had broken in one hand before selecting the suitably tactful wall.

"See you tomorrow, then. Best dress armour, remember. Send Angua now, please."

"She"s not here, sir."

"Blast. Put out some messages for her, will you?"

Igor lurched through the castle corridors, dragging one foot after the other in the approved fashion.

He was Igor, son of Igor, nephew of several Igors, brother of Igors and cousin of more Igors than he could remember without checking up in his diary. Igors did not change a winning formula.

And, as a clan, Igors liked working for vampires. Vampires kept regular hours, were generally polite to their servants and, an important extra, didn"t require much work in the bedmaking and cookery department, and tended to have cool, roomy cellars where an Igor could pursue his true calling. This more than made up for those occasions when you had to sweep up their ashes.

He entered Lady Margolotta"s crypt and knocked politely on the coffin lid. It moved aside a fraction.

"Yes?"

"Thorry to wake you in the middle of the afternoon, your ladythip, but you did thay - "

"All right. And - ?"

"It"s going to be Vimeth, ladythip."

A dainty hand came out of the partly opened coffin and punched the air.

"Yes!"

"Meth, ladythip."

"Vell, vell. Samuel Vimes. Poor devil. Do the doggies know?"

Igor nodded. "The Baron"th Igor wath altho collecting a methage, ladythip."

"And the dwarfs?"

"It ith an official appointment, ladythip. Everyone knowth. Hith Grathe the Duke of Ankh, Thir Thamuel Vimeth, Commander of the Ankh-Morpork Thity Watch."

"Then the midden has hit the windmill, Igor."

"Very well put, ladythip. No one liketh a thort thower of thit."

"I imagine, Igor, that he"ll leave them behind."


Tags: Terry Pratchett Discworld Fantasy