I pressed my lips together. “I still do.”
His eyes glossed over and he squeezed my hand. “Can I ask you for a favor?”
“I’m sort of in the middle of the last thing you asked me to do,” I said with a smirk.
His features were taught, unaffected by my expression. “If this is really it…if you’re really done with me…will you let me hold you tonight?”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea, Trav.”
His hand gripped tight over mine. “Please? I can’t sleep knowing you’re just a foot away, and I’m never gonna get the chance again.”
I stared into his desperate eyes for a moment and then frowned. “I’m not having sex with you.”
He shook his head. “That’s not what I’m asking.”
I searched the dimly lit room with my eyes, thinking about the consequences, wondering if I could tell Travis no if he changed his mind. I shut my eyes tight and then pushed away from the edge of the bed, turning down the blanket. He crawled into bed beside me, hastily pulling me tight into his arms. His bare chest rose and fell with uneven breaths, and I cursed myself for feeling so peaceful against his skin.
“I’m going to miss this,” I said.
He kissed my hair and pulled me to him. He seemed unable to get close enough to me. He buried his face in my neck and I rested my hand on his back in comfort, although I was just as heartbroken as he was. He sucked in a breath and pressed his forehead against my neck, pressing his fingers into the skin of my back. As miserable as we were the last night of the bet, this was much, much worse.
“I…I don’t think I can do this, Travis.”
He pulled me tighter and I felt the first tear fall from my eye down my temple. “I can’t do this,” I said, clenching my eyes shut.
“Then don’t,” he said against my skin. “Give me another chance.”
I tried to push myself out from under him, but his grip was too solid for any possibility of escape. I covered my face with both hands as my quiet sobs shook us both. Travis looked up at me, his eyes heavy and wet.
With his large, gentle fingers, he pulled my hand away from my eyes and kissed my palm. I took a staggered breath as he looked at my lips and then back to my eyes. “I’ll never love anyone the way I love you, Pigeon.”
I sniffed and touched his face. “I can’t.”
“I know,” he said, his voice broken. “I never once convinced myself that I was good enough for you.”
My face crumpled and I shook my head. “It’s not just you, Trav. We’re not good for each other.”
He shook his head, wanting to say something but thinking better of it. After a long, deep breath, he rested his head against my chest. When the green numbers on the clock across the room read eleven o’clock, Travis’s breaths finally slowed and evened out. My eyes grew heavy, and I blinked a few times before slipping out of consciousness.
“Ow!” I yelped, pulling my hand from the stove and automatically nursing the burn with my mouth.
“You okay, Pidge?” Travis asked, shuffling across the floor and slipping a T-shirt over his head. “Shit! The floor’s fucking freezing!” I stifled a giggle as I watched him hop on one foot and then the other until the soles of his feet acclimated to the frigid tile.
The sun had barely peeked through the blinds, and all but one of the Maddoxes were sleeping soundly in their beds. I pushed the antique tin pan further into the oven and then closed the door, turning to cool my fingers under the sink.
“You can go back to bed. I just had to put the turkey in.”
“Are you coming?” he asked, wrapping his arms around his chest to ward off the chill in the air.
“Yeah.”
“Lead the way,” he said, sweeping his hand toward the stairs.
T
ravis yanked his shirt off as we both shoved our legs under the covers, pulling the blanket up to our necks. He tightened his arms around me as we shivered, waiting for our body heat to warm the small space between our skin and the covers.
I felt his lips against my hair, and then his throat moved when he spoke. “Look, Pidge. It’s snowing.”