My fist balls. No, I will wait, and wait … and wait … for however long it may take for her to come to her senses. For her to realize that she does, in fact, need me, want me … love me.
Just as I love her.
And I will make her understand. Make her forgive me.
No matter the cost.
And as I gaze at the fire in which the hot iron already lies await, I know what I must do now.
Chapter 16
Amelia
A few days later
On the living room couch, I leisurely lounge while sipping the coffee I got from one of the staff members. Apparently, they know now not to get in my way because there is a price to pay, and it isn’t just my anger that will hurt them. My happiness doesn’t only benefit me anymore. Eli wants a piece of the pie as well.
After our rendezvous in his office, I clearly got my point across. I had expected Eli to follow me, berate me, take me back into his room, and fuck me until I begged him. Instead, he let me walk out the door like it was nobody’s business.
To say I was surprised was an understatement, considering our history.
But maybe he really did change after all.
Maybe he does care.
Which means I can use this situation to my advantage and get all the privilege one could receive in a place like this. All I need to do now is give the same kind of freedom to the other ladies, which is exactly what I’m planning on doing once Eli finally musters up the courage to come and find me.
I haven’t seen him for a while now, and I wonder if he’s busy with work, or if he’s trying to seduce others to confess their sin to him. The mere thought makes me crinkle up some of the paper in this book I was reading.
I shouldn’t let myself get carried away by my emotions, but it’s hard when you let your heart join the game once before. Back when I was in my apartment, and Eli practically bared his soul to me, almost confessing his love on the spot.
It uncoiled the bonds I’d secured around my heart, and it made me fall for him. Made me wish I could kiss the pain away, made me forget all the things he did to me, made me … want him.
I wanted him. More than anything.
When we fucked under the shower, all I wanted was for him to stay, forget everything that happened between us, and focus on the here and now … because I knew we had no future.
There is no “we” when he and I are from two different worlds.
When he only wants to keep the bird locked in its cage, it will always find a way to escape.
And I would rather die brandished a liar for not being truthful about my feelings to him than as someone who betrays her own soul. No matter how good the sex felt, under the shower, on his desk … anywhere and everywhere. There is nothing else I have left to give. Nothing else … but my soul, and I refuse to offer it up.
I release the page from my grip and unfurl it, attempting as well as I can to flatten it, but I know it’s no use. Once crumpled, a paper can never become pristine again.
And for some odd reason, that reminds me of me.
Suddenly, someone knocks on the door, and my ears perk up.
I put the book on the table. “Yes?”
When Eli steps inside, I take a big gulp of my coffee and swallow it down. I’d rather let the heat burn my throat than let him rake me up in a tainting stare.
“Hello, Amelia,” he says, his voice commanding but respectful.
I put down the cup. “Do you need something?”
He raises his brow and continues to stare at me while the clock ticks away behind me on the wall, but I am not going to give in. “Not even a hi?” he says, adjusting his navy blue blazer so that it covers his mighty abs that protrude through the white shirt.
I just raise a brow back at him, trying to ignore the fact that he looks handsome in this outfit.
A smirk forms on his lips as he shakes his head. “Guess I deserve that much.”
“Yes. Yes, you do,” I quip, unable to stop myself.
His tongue darts out to wet his lips, and I tell myself I’m not looking. I’m definitely not looking.
“Can we talk?” he asks, stepping forward.
I lean back on the couch and pull my knees up to lie down, leaning my head on my wrist. “Talk.”
Mostly because I do not want him to sit down next to me.
He looks around and decides to sit down on the fauteuil on the opposite side of the table. It’s silent for a few seconds while he looks around, and I do the same, trying desperately not to look at him for fear that I may do something I despise. Like … getting on top to kiss him and let him fuck the pain away.