; Then Ella woke up, bringing them both to the brink of tears, and Maisie held her for a short while, savouring the soft feel of her tiny limbs, the baby powder and milk smell of her now mingled with the bitter tang of antibiotics and the antiseptic smell of the hospital.
In the late afternoon the consultant told them the worst was over. Ella would be able to go home the following day, hopefully without any lasting ill-effects, although they’d need to bring her back in a week for another check. Maisie could hardly believe they’d all emerged intact from the wreckage of the last twenty-four hours. She’d felt as if she’d lived an entire lifetime in the space of a single day, and she was a changed person.
That night Maisie settled Ella in her cot, thrilling to her daughter’s sleepy smile, before she and Antonio returned to the waiting room. She hadn’t showered in what felt like an age, and the spa treatments of yesterday seemed like a dream. ‘You should go home and get some sleep,’ he said. ‘I’ll stay here.’
‘Antonio, you must be exhausted—’
‘I’m fine.’
Maisie was reluctant to leave her daughter for even a second, but Antonio was resolute and she recognised that she needed to be rested and well for when Ella came home in the morning.
‘All right,’ she relented.
‘You can take your car,’ he added. ‘It’s parked in the garage.’
Surprise made her stiffen. ‘The car...but who drove it?’ She knew that Antonio hadn’t been behind the wheel since the day his brother had died.
‘I did,’ Antonio said starkly. ‘The ambulance was too long coming, so I put Ella in her car seat and drove her to the hospital.’
A lump formed in Maisie’s throat. She could not imagine how hard that must have been for him, to face his worst fear all over again, and for their daughter’s sake. ‘Oh, Antonio...’ She laid a hand on his arm, and he went still, not looking at her.
Maisie gazed at him with growing dread, a leaden fear weighing down her insides. She hadn’t been imagining the strain and distance that had appeared between them in the last day. She just didn’t know why it had happened, or what it meant. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered. Antonio didn’t answer. He didn’t even look at her, and after a few awful seconds Maisie removed her hand from his arm.
When they were back home, she told herself, things would return to normal between them. They’d be a family again, stronger than ever, brought together by this near-tragedy. She told herself that, over and over, but she couldn’t make herself believe it.
After a night that held less sleep than she would have liked, she returned to the hospital, thankful to be holding Ella once again. Though still sleepy and weak, Ella seemed much more the happy baby she usually was, eager to be held and cuddled.
Antonio didn’t speak all the way back to the villa, and Maisie kept her attention on Ella, afraid of what she’d see in his face. Nothing good, she suspected, although she was afraid to think of what or why.
She found out soon enough, when they’d returned to the villa and she’d settled Ella down for a nap. Maisie came downstairs to find Antonio standing by the door, the flat look in his eyes chilling her.
‘I think it’s better if we go back to the way things were,’ he said, his tone cold and final.
Maisie’s mouth went bone-dry, her head spinning. ‘The way things were?’
‘I’ll visit three times a week and have Ella on Saturdays, if that’s agreeable to you?’
‘You mean...’ She wasn’t surprised, and yet at the same time she was devastated. ‘You mean you’re...you’re breaking up with me?’ Silly, teenaged words for what felt like such a monumental event, an earthquake destroying all her hopes and desires.
‘It can’t work, Maisie. That much is clear.’
‘But...why?’
He just shook his head.
‘Antonio...’ Maisie struggled for the right words to reach him. ‘Why are you doing this?’ she asked brokenly, because she didn’t have anything else.
‘I tried.’ It sounded so awful, so bleak. ‘I tried, and I failed. I’m sorry.’
‘You didn’t fail—’
‘I did. And I can’t face that, Maisie. I can’t risk it again.’
‘But—’
‘It’s better this way.’
Maisie stared at him helplessly, longing to break through the stony barricade he’d surrounded himself with. Wanting to fight for her, for him, for them, and yet Antonio seemed so unreachable. ‘Antonio...’ she tried, not knowing what words would bring him back to her.