‘Before? When, exactly?’
‘When you asked me to marry you.’ A crumpled note of hurt entered her voice, and she took a breath, clearly striving to hold onto her composure.
‘Would it have made a difference?’
‘I don’t know, but you know as well as I do, Mateo, that when a scientist does not have all the relevant information regarding an experiment, they cannot draw an accurate conclusion.’
Mateo folded his arms and attempted to stare her down. He should have known he wouldn’t succeed. Rachel had never been one to be cowed. ‘What happened before has no relevance on the present or the future, Rachel. Our future. It was a long time ago. Fifteen years.’
‘Yet you can’t say her name,’ she said softly. ‘You haven’t said it once since we’ve started talking about her.’
Everything in him tightened. ‘I admit, it was a painful time. I do not wish to revisit it.’
‘So fifteen years on, you still have trouble speaking about it? About her?’ She shook her head sorrowfully. ‘That does make a difference, Mateo.’
‘Why?’ he demanded. ‘It ended a long time ago, Rachel. It doesn’t matter any more.’
‘Is she the reason you want a loveless marriage?’ Rachel asked stonily.
‘I didn’t say that—’
‘You as good as did. One based on friendship and trust, rather than love. That’s been clear all along, Mateo. You told me you weren’t interested in falling in love. I just... I didn’t realise it was because you’d been in love before.’
He flinched at that, but did not deny it.
‘So.’ Rachel nodded slowly. ‘That’s how it is.’
‘This really doesn’t need to change things, Rachel. Like I said, it was a long time ago.’
‘What happened?’ Rachel asked. ‘I deserve to know that much. How did it end? Did she leave you?’
Mateo struggled to keep his expression even, his voice neutral. ‘She died.’
‘Oh.’ The sound that escaped her was soft and sad. ‘I’m so sorry.’ He nodded jerkily, not willing to say more. To reveal more. ‘So if she hadn’t died...’ Rachel said quietly, almost to herself, and Mateo did not finish that thought. She nodded again, then looked up at him. ‘You should have told me,’ she stated quietly. ‘No matter how long ago it happened. I should have known.’
‘I didn’t realise it mattered.’
‘Then you are not nearly as emotionally astute as I thought you were,’ she retorted with dignity. ‘You talked about how you trusted me, Mateo, but what about whether I can trust you?’
‘This is not about trust—’
‘Isn’t it?’ The two words were quiet and sad, and she didn’t wait for his answer as she walked out of the stables.
CHAPTER TWELVE
TODAY WAS HER wedding day. Rachel gazed into the mirror at her princess-like reflection and tried to banish the foreboding that fell over her like a dark cloud.
Ever since her confrontation with Mateo in the stables yesterday, she’d felt as if she were walking under it, blundering forward in a storm of uncertainty, trying to make peace with this new knowledge of her husband-to-be, and what it might mean for their marriage.
So he’d had his heart broken. He’d been deeply in love with a woman, and she’d died. It wasn’t a deal-breaker, surely, but Rachel would have appreciated knowing and adjusting to the fact before she was about to walk down the aisle.
No matter what Mateo might insist, it made a difference knowing he’d loved and lost rather than believing he’d never been interested in loving at all.
All through yesterday, as she’d gone through the motions of their wedding rehearsal, and chatted over dinner with dignitaries whose names she couldn’t remember, a battle had been raging in her head.
Should I? Shouldn’t I?
But at the end of the day, when she’d gone up to her suite of rooms and seen her wedding gown swathed in plastic and ready for her to wear in the morning, she’d known there wasn’t a battle at all.