I can’t describe the confusion. Did I physically enjoy that night? Fuck yeah, but then I didn’t enjoy the heated shame. The feeling I had let myself down. The fact I did to two girls what Dad’s been doing for years. It was physical, no emotion. They stumbled out of bed, searching for their next thrill, and I was left wondering where the hell I fit into any of it. In the end, I hated that I had been used and that I had used them in return.
“You don’t have to worry about me pressuring you. You say stop, we stop.” That sums it up without my having to overexplain. “But I’ll never complain if you cop a feel above or below.”
I wink and Breanna laughs so loudly that she slaps a hand over her mouth.
Parts south on me support any action she’d take. As if on cue, Breanna glides a finger along my stomach, and it’s like she’s poured liquid electricity into my veins.
One breath in. Another out. A steady buildup of sexual tension. So thick that the air between us grows warmer. Her fingers wander lower, near the waistband of my jeans, and I bite back a groan. My hand eases to her hip and I begin this slow circle. The material of her skirt lifts with it and her breathing hitches. I wonder if she can feel my heart beating.
“When we kissed...” My voice is deeper than normal. “When my hands wandered here.” I draw my hand up and it gently grazes the underside of her breast. She edges closer to me as if she enjoys the touch.
Her tongue darts out and wets her bottom lip. “Yes?”
We’re playing a dangerous game I want to continue. “Was it your first time for that?”
She nods, then meets my gaze. My lips tilt up with the excited wildness in her eyes.
“There’s been no other touching for you, then?” I’m referring to south of her and I return my fingers to the skin of her thigh, but this time, it’s closer to her inner than outer thigh.
“No.” A mixture of curiosity, nerves and lust merge together to create that sexy hooded expression. She’d like to experience the answer to my question. If there weren’t stitches in my arm, I’d be willing to satisfy her desire for this new knowledge.
“Someday,” I tell her. “Someday, I’ll be better and we’ll be alone.”
“My heart is going to explode,” she whispers.
“Mine, too.”
We lie together. Her next to me. Me holding her. The chemistry brewing between us is an undercurrent not willing to be ignored.
“I almost turned away,” she says. “Violet was telling me things that frightened me—things about your club—and I almost told her to take me home.”
My heart stops beating and I freeze. “What changed your mind?”
Breanna’s silent and I count between her inhales and exhales. Each second that passes becomes excruciatingly longer. When I’m about to bust out of my own skin, she says, “I couldn’t stay away.”
“Why?”
“What if I said I don’t know what love is?” she asks like she’s testing out the words. “That I’ve read about it—in textbooks and psychology books and in novels, but it’s not something I can pin down the meaning of. Like, I know I love my parents and my brothers and sisters and Addison, but that’s what is expected and all I’ve known. It’s always been a part of me, and then there’s meeting you...”
She drifts off. I loved my mother. Loved my father. Loved Olivia, Oz, Chevy, Violet and this club. Then there was meeting Breanna and the emotion of being around her is nothing like that definition of love. This is heartbreaking and consuming and addictive. It’s terrifying and peaceful, crazy and serene. It’s a million things in one brief moment and it’s something I don’t understand and never want to live without.
“I’d say I don’t know what it is, either. But if I had to guess, it would be like when I’m with you.”
Breanna does what hardly any other person can do—she stares straight into my eyes without hesitation. “Yeah, it would be that for me, too.”
She loves me. That damn smile that I never knew was a part of me spreads across my face and I love the answering one she has for me. I burrow my fingers into her hair. “Kiss me.”
Worry shadows her expression. “But you’re hurt. Your arm and your side and there are cuts and brui—”
“If you don’t lean your body this way and kiss me, Breanna, I’m going to roll you underneath me and threaten to tear open my wounds so I can kiss you. Your choice.”
She purses her lips as if she’s annoyed, but she slips closer. Her hand claims my stomach, her knee brushes against mine and that tempting mouth is only a few centimeters away. “Your logic completely sucks.”
“Nothing logical about it. This is all instinct.” I grab her hips and drag her across until she’s straddling me. I fight the urge to laugh at the shock washing over her face. Eyes wide. Mouth rounded into an O. Her skirt gathers around her thighs and she’s settled exactly where I’ve pictured her being.
“You really are bad.” She adjusts to her new position and I’m about to lose my mind with the sensations that movement brings.
“Just now figuring that out?”