“Drew.” I turn and see Logan carrying a blanket for me, and he’s being followed by a paramedic to quarantine me. I can’t get the blood off me fast enough. Logan waits as they strip me of my clothes and wipe my arms and face with a disinfectant.
He gives me a big hug once they walk away. “It could’ve been you. I’m so glad it wasn’t.”
I let out a deep breath, and it’s hard for me to process everything that’s happened in the last ten minutes. Logan asks me a few questions, and I answer like a robot. My body camera is confiscated, and Tyler is surrounded by people asking questions.
“You should use some vacation days and take a few days off,” Logan tells me matter-of-factly. “You need to take that time away. Try to purge it from your thoughts, though you’ll never be able to forget it.” He stares off into the distance, and I wonder if, at that moment, he’s thinking about all the people he’s lost in his life. “If you need to talk, I’m here and I understand.”
I nod and give Logan another hard hug. The chief comes over and walks me to an undercover vehicle and drives me back to the station.
“You’re in shock. It’s normal when something tragic happens. It’s not your fault, Fisher. Don’t blame yourself,” he says.
“Sir, I’d like to use some of my vacation days, if possible. I need some time to process.”
He looks over at me, the hardness on his face never wavering, and gives me a nod.
As I look him over, I realize how much he reminds me of Courtney’s father. Then I think of Court, and I feel like I’m drowning and almost gasp for air. The thoughts of her hearing something bad happened to me knocks my breath away. Thankfully, the chief approves my vacation request, and I’ll have the next ten days off. The news of what happened spreads like wildfire, and by the time we make it back to the station, everyone knows. Many people offer to listen if I want to talk, but I opt for dealing with it myself—for now. I need to sort out my thoughts and let it sink it before I can talk about anything. My head seems like a jumbled mess right now. It’s like I’m trying to force square pegs into circle-shaped holes. I try to push away the thoughts and focus on home to Courtney.
Before I head out, I take a shower at the station and scrub so hard my skin feels raw. I wish I could scrub the memory of it happening away. I grab my stuff from my locker and sit in the truck in complete silence before starting it. Watching someone take their life, knowing it could’ve easily been mine, puts how dangerous this job is into perspective. When I arrive home, hours earlier than expected, I’ll make sure to hold Courtney extra tight because losing her forever almost became my reality.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
COURTNEY
I’ve never felt so scared in my entire life.
Drew’s work incident made my worst fears come alive. For the past six months, and even before then, I’d always worried about him on the job. It’s a natural feeling that no matter how many times he’d reassure me, it’d never fully put me at ease.
The moment he walked in from his shift early and I saw his face and his glassy eyes; I knew something bad had happened. Drew looked pale, distraught, emotionless. I’d never seen him so defeated before and it scared the crap out of me to see him like that.
Hearing the chief gave him a week off made me happy to know I’d have him home safe with me. Travis and Viola have been just as worried ever since they heard, and I know they’re relieved for him to have time off.
It’s been two days since the incident, and I’m still not getting much out of him. He’s said he doesn’t want to talk about it, but I think talking will help him with the coping process.
“Drew,” I say, walking into the living room with a sandwich. “I made you some lunch.”
“I’m not hungry,” he replies firmly. “But thanks.”
“You need to eat. You haven’t eaten in two days,” I remind him. “Please.”
I sit down next to him, but his eyes don’t avert from the TV. “Will you look at me?”
He blinks, then shifts his eyes to mine.
“Talk to me.”
“I want to, Court, but I just can’t get the right words out.”
I suck my lips into my mouth and slowly nod. I understand he’s experienced something tragic and that he blames himself, but I just wish he’d talk to me about it, so he doesn’t hold it in and let it burn him from the inside.
“We can talk about anything,” I tell him. “Or go do anything.”