“Okay, time to dance!” Maddie announces, then bounces out of her seat. Her roommate, Erin, and another girl show up to party too. For the next two hours, Sophie and I dance with Maddie and her friends, and I take full advantage of ordering alcoholic drinks.
“Why didn’t we invite the guys out tonight?” Sophie asks when we finally take a break and head to the bar.
“Maddie said girls’ night only, and Hunter had plans anyway,” I say, trying to catch my breath. I don’t think I’ve danced that much since spring break three years ago.
“Ooh, what kind of plans?” She arches a brow.
“Some work thing. He said there was a new client he had to schmooze,” I half-ass explain.
“A new client, huh? A woman client?” she asks after the bartender takes our orders.
“Yeah, actually, it is a woman.” I pinch my lips together.
“Where were they going?”
“He said she’s staying at the Five Seasons, and they were meeting there for dinner and drinks.”
Sophie pops a brow. “That sounds like a date, Lennon.”
“He’d tell me if he was going on a date,” I argue. At least I think he would.
“How long do you expect him to wait for you?” Sophie asks once we grab our glasses, then walk back to our table where it’s quieter. “I know you have feelings for him.” She takes a sip, keeping her eyes locked on mine over the rim. “You can’t let guilt and fear control your life forever. Before you know it, he’ll have moved on for good, and you’ll be the one left brokenhearted.”
Sophie’s words are like a knife twisting in my heart. I know she’s genuine and wants me to be happy, but she can’t possibly know how I feel. Between losing Brandon and having his baby to kissing Hunter and feeling things for him that scare the shit out of me, I’m conflicted on what the right thing is. It feels too soon to move on, but if Brandon’s tragic accident has taught me anything it’s that life is too short.
“You really think he’s ready to date?” I painfully ask, not sure I want the answer to that. It’s something I’ve always considered, knowing someday he won’t be content living with Alison and me forever. But the thought of him falling for someone else suddenly makes me want to vomit.
“I know he wants you, Lennon, but I also know Hunter has a big heart and a lot to offer. It wouldn’t surprise me if another woman was after him,” she says bluntly. “Even if he isn’t on a date right now, the fact that you’re scared of it being a possibility should be enough for you to realize it’s time to make a decision. Are you going to keep him in the friend zone forever because you’re scared, or are you going to follow your heart before it’s too late? How would you feel if he was on a date right now?”
A punch right to the gut.
That’s how it’d feel.
“When did you get so sentimental?” I ask, wiping away the tears in my eyes before they can fall.
“If the thought of losing him makes you this emotional, what’s gonna happen when he actually is ready to move on with his life, and he starts dating again or finds someone serious?”
“I think…” I pause, my mind spinning in both directions. “I’d be heartbroken.”
Sophie nods with an I told you smirk. “So why are you fighting it? Hasn’t he proven to you time and time again how much he loves you? How he’s always gonna be there for not only you but for Allie too. How the thought of him moving on is putting you in a panic right now. C’mon, Lennon…say it…” she encourages with a taunting smirk.
I inhale a deep breath, my heart racing as the liquor buzzes through me. “I’m in love with him.”
Holy shit.
The weight of admitting that feels like a thousand bricks off my shoulders.
“There’s my girl!” Sophie cheers loudly, though no one around us even seems to notice over the music of the dance floor. “Now, when are you going to tell him?”
My shoulders fall, and I slouch against my seat. “What if he’s changed his mind? He confessed his feelings to me months ago. What if they don’t exist anymore?”
Sophie snaps her fingers in front of my face as if to pull me out of a haze. “Have you lost your damn mind? I know you had a baby and all, but did your brain all go to mush?”
I slap her hand away and glare, but I know she’s right. It’s the same thing my parents have been saying for weeks.
I can’t let fear keep me from admitting what I feel because I know I’d have nobody but myself to blame if I lost him. How long can I push him away before he realizes he deserves better? Deserves to be loved? I know my insecurities are fueling my apprehension right now, but it’s all I can think about. So much has changed since that night months ago, and I don’t know if he’s been waiting for me all this time or if we’re in friend zone territory for good.