What’s happened between me and Hunter is so damn wrong, and I can’t stop thinking about Brandon. What the hell would he say about this? Would he be pissed? Or would he rather me have feelings for his best friend than someone else? I don’t know how I can ever move on without the shame following me.
I think about what my life would be like if Brandon were here with me right now. If the accident wouldn’t have happened, we’d probably be a happy family. He would’ve loved meeting my parents, and I know my parents would’ve felt the same way about him. The remorse I’m harboring is almost too much, and I deserve it. Have I just plugged Hunter in where Brandon should be because I’m so lonely?
I feel as if I’m living in a fucked-up fairy tale, and I’m not really sure if I’ll get a happy ending or even deserve to. The selfish part of me wants to ask him to sleep with me and hold me close to his strong body, but logic wins this time. It’s not a good idea, considering the way he feels—we feel.
Chapter Eleven
Hunter
ONE MONTH LATER
I gently push open Lennon’s door and see her swollen belly sticking out from her rolled up shirt as she shifts in her sleep. I ache to touch her, to feel her soft skin, to show her my feelings are so damn real it’s painful, but I won’t. As I’ve done the past two years, I push them down and pretend they don’t exist, especially now that I’ve told her the truth and she walked away.
I know she’s nervous for her first day back to work. With summer break officially over, today is the first day of school for her. She didn’t tell her co-workers she was pregnant, but at five months along, she won’t be able to hide it anymore.
Ever since I confessed my true feelings to her a month ago, things have slowly gone back to our normal. We thought it was best not to sleep in the same bed, and honestly, I’m not sure I could handle it now that she knows how I’ve always felt. Kissing her—for real—was the most intense thing I’ve ever experienced, and then it was ripped away just like that. I knew the second she pulled away she was going to say those words. I can’t.
I’d been fooling myself to think she’d be able to see me as anything more than a friend. Even if she claims she felt the chemistry that first night we met, too much has happened, and it doesn’t matter now. She’s carrying Brandon’s baby, and now that she knows I can’t have kids, why the hell would she even consider being with someone who can’t give her the family she wants? My dad’s words of being a failure repeat in my head, and it brings me right back to the dark place I’ve tried so hard to stay away from.
Guilt. Anger. Insecurity.
Lennon’s truly the only reason I’ve been sane these past four months since Brandon’s death. Even if I wish things had happened differently between us, I can’t let her go. I’ll take her in my life in any way she’ll allow.
“Lennon,” I whisper, brushing hair off her face.
“Mmm?” she mutters, stirring lightly.
“I made you breakfast,” I tell her softly.
“Sleep,” she mumbles, pulling the covers to her chest. “More sleep.”
Chuckling, I look at her sleepy face and smile. “Not today, sweetheart. Back to work,” I remind her.
Her eyes pop open, scaring the shit out of me. Lennon looks around, and it’s as if she’s just now remembering it’s the day.
“I forgot what getting up early felt like.” She groans, finally sitting up. “Though I have a feeling I’m about to be reminded very soon,” she says, looking at her stomach, then pulling her shirt down. “No way to hide it.”
Furrowing my brows, I hold out my hand and help her to her feet. “Shouldn’t hide it anyway. You’re not the first teacher to get pregnant,” I reassure her.
“It’s not that.” She shrugs. “It’s the pity looks that are gonna return.”
Grabbing her hands, I envelop them between my palms and hold them against my chest. Lennon looks up at me, waiting.
“Ignore the comments and the looks and just remember how far you’ve come. Brandon is so proud of you,” I tell her sincerely. “So am I.”
A tear slips down her cheek, but she doesn’t move to catch it. It falls to her mouth, and she licks it between her lips. I study her, watching her, wanting her to know how amazing she is.
How special she is to me.
“Thanks, Hunter. I appreciate that.” I release her hands, and she snakes her arms around my waist. “You always know what to say to make me feel better.”
I wrap an arm around her, then kiss her forehead. “Haven’t you figured out by now that I’m a very philosophical person?” I tease with a smile.