“I’m gonna shower quick since I was on the worksite all afternoon. You okay with ordering after?” I ask as I kick off my boots.
“Sure, that’s fine,” she answers without blinking away from the pages. It makes me chuckle.
“Think about what you want while I’m in there because I’m hungry as fuck,” I say, unbuttoning my shirt. “Guessing tacos are out of the question, though, since you had that for lunch.” I pull off my shirt and rub a hand over my jawline. Shit, I need to shave too. The scruff’s getting a little thick. “Anything besides sushi, though. Maybe burgers?” I say aloud, undoing my jeans. I’m too far in my head thinking about food to see Lennon’s staring at me over her book with perked up brows. “What?” I finally ask.
“Um…” She clears her throat, blinking. “Didn’t realize you were providing dinner and a show.” She chuckles, narrowing her eyes.
“Huh?” I look down and realize I’m down to my boxers. “Fuck.” I grab my clothes off the floor and turn to walk down the hallway. “Sorry!” I call out.
Goddammit. I was so distracted and eager to get out of my work clothes, I wasn’t even thinking. Now she probably thinks I’m a pervert. I’ve walked around in my boxers before, usually as I’m escorting a one-night stand out the door, but this was like a private strip show, which was completely unintentional.
I wash off and think about the past two months and how much has changed. Some days are better than others, but Lennon and I are still taking it one day at a time. The grief hits me at random times and is often unexpected.
Not only do I miss my best friend more than I ever thought possible, but I’m struck with guilt anytime I look at Lennon and wish I could kiss the sadness off her face. It’s fucked up, this whole situation is, but what happened didn’t automatically erase the deep-rooted feelings I had for her. If anything, they’ve intensified as we’ve grown closer, and I feel like a fucking prick for it.
On top of that, I haven’t gotten laid in over two months, which means fucking random chicks to forget about her is no longer my coping mechanism. At least when I was with another woman, I could hide those feelings and bury them in someone else. Now they’re all pent up and piling up.
My dick grows hard just thinking about it, and I know I’m an asshole for considering my own needs at a time like this. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve beat my cock to thoughts of her, but now it feels more wrong than before. Still, the desire hits me, and I palm my length, stroking it hard and fast until I’m cursing and releasing a deep, animalistic grunt. I feel like a fucking bastard afterward, but I can never cross that line with her.
Lennon needs a friend right now, someone familiar who knew Brandon as well as she did, and that’s all I ever plan to be. Eventually, she’ll move on, and as I’ve done since day one, I’ll step aside and let her find happiness again.
Because she deserves all the happiness in the world.
That day will be here before I know it. This will all be a distant memory, and it’ll be as if our temporary friendship never existed. As painful as it is to think about, the only way I can fully prepare myself for the destruction of my heart is to acknowledge it’s going to happen and even expect it.
“Hey,” Lennon’s voice rings out, pulling me from my dark thoughts.
I turn off the water and open the shower curtain at the same time as Lennon opens the bathroom door. Her eyes widen in shock as she stares at my body as if she’s unable to look away. I quickly grab a towel and wrap it around my waist, scrubbing a hand over my face as the water drips down my chest.
“I’m so sorry,” she stammers, covering her eyes and turning around. “I thought you were still showering and wouldn’t hear me, and I clearly shouldn’t have just barged in.”
A smile splits my face at how flustered she is, considering the romance novels she’s reading. “Lennon,” I say her name, but she refuses to budge. “I’m wearing a towel now.”
“I-I didn’t see anything. I mean, I saw you, but I didn’t see anything. Wait, that sounds bad. I mean, I saw, but I wasn’t looking. Or rather, I didn’t mean to look. Like I said, I didn’t think you’d be able to hear me over the water and—”
I’m full on laughing now. “Lennon, it’s okay. I turned off the water because I heard you and wanted to be able to respond to whatever you needed.”
“It’s not funny. Stop laughing.”