“Yes,” he said darkly. “I took care of that. I quit the board. I sold my shares. I even sold the penthouse. I’m jobless and homeless. I have all the time in the fucking world to help them. I know this isn’t about me.” Not anymore.
10
Julian paced back and forth across the living room.
“Julian, it will be all right.” Keira curled up in the corner sofa. It was so large it dwarfed her tiny frame. Fuck, was she losing more weight? Christ, he wasn’t looking after her properly. She still limped when she got tired, which happened a lot. When was the last time she’d been for a checkup? Damn it, he couldn’t remember. He should know this stuff. He should be paying attention.
What sort of husband was he? What sort of Dom?
Obviously a pretty fucking bad one if Joel suggested she needed a new one. Joel was the only person on the planet he trusted besides his wife. If he thought she needed this . . . Julian wanted her to get what she needed.
Even if it killed him that he wasn’t enough for her.
How can you be enough for her? How can you help her when you can’t help yourself? He knew that. He knew the way he acted wasn’t normal. He wasn’t right. And he couldn’t fail Keira again. Look what happened last time.
“When was the last time you went in for a checkup?” he asked abruptly.
“What?” She looked at him in surprise.
“With Doc. For your leg. You were limping before.”
“Oh, I think I just tweaked it when I moved too fast earlier.”
Trying to get away after he’d decked Cole. Fuck. When he’d seen him walking inside the restaurant, looking just like he had when he’d left them years ago, no, looking better, he’d seen red. He’d lost it.
You shouldn’t have done that in front of Keira.
“I want you to make an appointment to have it checked,” he told her. It was time he took his role as her husband and Dom more seriously.
“I’m fine.”
He stilled. Turned to her. “It’s time to stop saying that, Keira. You’re not fine. I’m not fine.”
She sucked in a breath. “You-you’re admitting there’s something wrong?”
Fuck. Fucking fuck.
He slumped down next to her and leaned his elbows on his knees staring down at his feet. “I’ve been fucking this all up.”
A small hand hesitantly slipped over his thigh. Fuck, was she scared to touch him?
“Julian?”
“I’ve been trying to pretend everything is all right. I thought if I did that then maybe it would be, you know? Maybe we’d just magically fix ourselves. Instead everything gets more fucked up every day.”
She leaned her head against his arm. “We can’t keep going like this.”
“No, we can’t.”
“Do you think Joel was right? That we need a Dom to help us?”
“I don’t know. But nothing else is working.”
She ran her hand up and down his thigh. “Can you let Jardin help you? Us?”
He blew out a breath. That was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it? “I don’t trust him. Don’t really know him. Definitely don’t trust him with you.”
She sighed. It was a sad little sound. “It’s not going to work.”