k. He was in too deep. Way too deep.
“I care,” he said gruffly. It was as much as he could manage. As much as he could give.
“That’s good, because I don’t think I could do this unless you cared.”
Do what?
She took a deep breath. “I think I am submissive. The other night you made that offer. And I know I messed up when I asked to slow things down—”
“You didn’t mess up. I did. You were right to ask me to slow down.”
“No. I just . . . I needed time to think. To work it all out. But if you think you could manage it . . . I mean only if you wanted to . . . well, maybe we could try—”
“Babe. Spit it out.”
“I want you to teach me how to be a submissive. I know I don’t know what I’m doing and that I don’t have as much sexual experience as you do, but I’m a quick learner. I’ll try my best.”
He shouldn’t. He should stick to his resolve not to get involved. He opened his mouth to tell her no, it wasn’t a good idea. It might take her a day or two, but she’d get over it. He was doing her a favor. And she’d thank him one day when she had that house in the suburbs with the puppy that chewed her shoes, three kids who brought her joy every day and a husband that better fucking worship the ground she walked on—or he would be coming for him.
But before he could say anything, she spoke again.
“Because I don’t think I can do this with anyone I don’t know. And I think it really needs to be someone who knows what I went through. You know, I used to believe that everyone had good in them. Like, I honestly believed that. Stupid, huh? Because how could you kill a man who was working sixty-hour weeks washing dishes to support his four kids and a wife, who barely spoke any English? Juan had brought his family to America for a better life. And he ended up dead. Why? Juan was a good man and he died for no reason.”
Her words were like punches to the gut, stealing his breath.
“How can people do that? Play fast and loose with other people’s lives? How?”
She could never know what he’d been. If she did, he’d lose her instantly. He closed his eyes briefly. He was going to lose her anyway. This wasn’t a relationship that could continue on, even if he did decide to train her, to show her about submission and dominance. That was where it ended.
It had to.
But maybe he could do this. Just for a while, he could have her.
“Molly offered to take me to that BDSM club you go to. She said she and her husband would watch over any scenes that I got involved with to make sure I was okay, but—”
“She said what?” he asked in a soft voice.
She had been leaning into his chest as she spoke, but, at his words, she attempted to lean back. But he pressed her face against his chest. He didn’t want her to see his face right now. No doubt he looked as furious as he felt.
What the fuck was Molly thinking? Mia wasn’t going to fucking Saxon’s to hook up with some strange Dominant. She wasn’t going anywhere. She was staying here under his watchful gaze.
“Um, she offered to take me to the club and—”
“Enough. I don’t need to hear it again. You listen to me. You are not going to the club to find a stranger to fucking teach you about being a sub. Got me? Besides the fact that you aren’t allowed to leave the ranch without me, you have no business walking into a BDSM club not knowing the first thing about anything, not with your background, not even with Molly,” he tensed, his jaw tightening to the point of pain, “to watch over you.”
“I don’t want to do that, but if you won’t train me—”
“I’ll do it.”
“Really?”
“Yes, fucking really. While you’re here, for as long as we both want it, I’ll train you. But you’ll be trained to be the sort of sub I want. Might not always be easy on you. And there are gonna be a helluva lot more rules than you’ve already got. And you will obey them. Got it?”
Elation filled her. She couldn’t believe that had worked. She didn’t think she could do this with anyone else. She needed him. So, fine, she’d manipulated him slightly when she’d told him about Molly’s offer. She had offered, it’s just that Mia would never in a million years take her up on it.
She wouldn’t have the guts. Not only that, she didn’t have the desire. She couldn’t bear the idea of some strange man touching her. How could she ever trust someone she didn’t know? How could she be attracted to him? Maybe some people didn’t need those things, but she did.
“So what now?” she asked. Her heart was racing, and she could feel a mix of trepidation and excitement bubbling in her stomach. What would he order her to do? What did this involve? Would she have to get naked right away? She wasn’t sure she was ready for that. Sure, this morning she’d taken an extra-long shower and made sure to shave everything. She’d rather have visited a spa and had a wax, but a girl had to work with what she had available. She’d moisturized, she’d washed her hair, she was as clean as could be.