She tried to ignore the voice in her head telling her she’d known there would be consequences when she chose to leave the ranch last night. Sure, she hadn’t realized he’d want to spank her. But she knew there would be a price to pay. And knowing that, she’d still chosen to go.
Yeah, she did her best to ignore that voice.
“What do you mean I might need it? Why would you think I would need a spanking? I’m not one of your subs.
“No, you’re not. They’d never dare disobey me.”
Great she was just lacking all the way around, wasn’t she?
“I’m talking about the fact that you’re wound up tighter than a coil about to spring. Because you can’t sleep, because you have panic attacks—”
“You think a spanking is going to help my PTSD? Did Molly talk to you about this? What is this? BDSM psychology 101?”
He raised an eyebrow. “You need a way to release all that tension. Someone to watch over you. Take care of you for a change. You’re going to self-destruct if you can’t find a way to let the pressure out. To free some of that poison building inside you.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Really? So there’s not a tight knot in your stomach, a place where you’ve shoved all your memories of that night, your feelings, your fear?”
&
nbsp; Oh, God. How did he know that? She couldn’t answer him.
“Why haven’t you agreed to another session with Molly?”
She sat on the sofa, her legs no longer able to hold her up. He came and knelt in front of her.
“Why don’t you want to talk to her?”
She still didn’t answer.
“Because you’re afraid to let it all out? Because you’re afraid of what might happen if you do? You need to talk about what happened. You could give it all to me. Give up control for a while, let me take charge, let me help you.”
Jesus. His words awakened a huge desire in her. She was so close to throwing caution to the wind and saying yes. But what if she did? Gave everything to him? What would be left of her when he let her go? “I just told you what happened.”
“That was only part of it, and you know it. Because you couldn’t hold it in anymore. You’re trying to protect yourself, but you need to stop trying to do it all on your own.” His voice was soft, cajoling. This Alec was potent. Damn near irresistible.
“I don’t have anyone else.”
“That’s bullshit.”
She glared at him.
He narrowed his gaze at her, and she could see anger in those brown depths. She felt a stupid urge to try to make him smile again. To see if she could get his eyes to go back to that melting chocolate. She’d always had a weakness for chocolate.
“Why are you offering to do this? Why do you care?”
Irritation filled his face. “You think I want to care? I got enough going on in my life. I don’t need trouble. I don’t need some little pixie coming in and messing my life up. My brothers do enough of that. I could go to the club and have my choice of subs. They would eagerly strip and lie over my desk, without giving a hint of attitude. They’d take whatever punishment I doled out. They wouldn’t dare go against me. And yet here I am, dealing with something I said I’d never deal with. Innocence. And, somehow, I don’t want any of those other subs. I want sweetness. I want light. And that’s never been mine to take.”
“I’m not innocent,” she told him.
“You’re the most innocent person I’ve ever met, Calamity Jane.”
He reached for her, pulling her close then wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and kissed her. It was a hard kiss. Possessive. He didn’t hold back. He drew back and bit down on her lip. A shiver worked its way up her spine.
“Fuck me. You need someone patient and caring, who will give you time, guide you, cherish you. I can’t offer any of that. I want a woman who’ll let me tie her up, spank her, clamp her nipples, and take her ass. I need a woman who’ll submit to me, who will obey me. Without question. And who will give herself to me whenever and however I ask it.”
He reached out and light pinched one of her nipples. She gasped. Then he twisted it. Ouch! She slapped her hand over her breast to protect it. “Ow, Malone!”