“Then what’s happening here?”
He ran a hand over his face. “Truth is, I didn’t want to love again after Jacqui died.”
“Because you loved her so much.”
“Yeah. And because it was my fucking fault she died. And I can’t ever forgive myself for that.”
33
Her heart skipped a beat.
His fault? No way. She didn’t believe that. It was clear to see how much he loved his wife. He wouldn’t have caused her death.
“There’s no way it was your fault,” she whispered. “I don’t believe that for a second.”
He ran his finger over the scar on his neck. It was the first time he’d ever done that. Ever touched his scar. She’d never worked up the courage to ask him how he got it.
Now she was guessing he’d got it the night Jacqui died.
“What happened?”
He sighed. “We lived in Chicago. It was late at night and we’d just flown in after visiting Steele.”
“Visiting Steele? You guys were all friends then?”
Surprise filled his face. “Can’t believe I haven’t told you. Jacqui was Steele’s sister.”
/> Okay, that explained some things. Sadness filled her. So Spike lost his wife and Steele lost his sister.
“He basically raised her. Even though he’s only a few years older. They had shitty parents and he did pretty much everything for her. She hated living in a different city from him. I had a deal go south and I wasn’t in a great mood. We were stopped at a light when these guys with guns approached. They had Jacqui’s door opened before I could do anything. If I hadn’t been so preoccupied, I would have noticed them. Could have done something.”
“Spike, no one could have anticipated that.”
He shook his head. “They demanded we get out of the car. I fought back. Stupid move. There were four of them against me. Don’t know why I did it. One of them had a knife, he stabbed me several times, got close to slashing my throat. They left me beaten on the ground, obviously they thought I would bleed out before help arrived. All I could remember as I lay there, unable to move, was Jacqui crying my name.”
“Oh, Spike.” How awful. Her heart broke for him.
“I must have lost consciousness, I don’t remember them leaving. I guess they thought I was dead or close to it. Instead, I woke up in the hospital. Alive. Steele and Grady sitting on chairs on either side of me. I looked into Steele’s eyes and I just knew. Without him telling me, I just knew she was gone. They left her about half a mile up the road. Bullet in her brain. She never stood a chance.”
“Oh, Spike. I’m so sorry.” She tried to shuffle over, tried to reach for him, needing to comfort him. She winced as she moved.
Jumping to his feet, he crowded over her, lightly putting pressure on her good shoulder. “What are you doing? Stay in place. You shouldn’t move.”
Tears dripped down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”
“Ahh, baby. Don’t cry. Don’t cry for me. I don’t deserve it.”
“It wasn’t your fault!” How could he think that?
He gave her an incredulous look. “If I’d been paying attention, if I hadn’t fought back—”
“Then you might have ended up with a bullet in your brain as well! They likely had no intention of letting either of you live. They’re the ones who took her. Who murdered her. It’s their fault not yours.”
She couldn’t believe he’d lived with this guilt for so long.
“Did they find them?”
“Yeah, fucking bastards didn’t get rid of the car quick enough. They’re doing life in prison. It’s still not enough.”