“Only to herself.”
I sigh. I’m not sure I’ve accomplished much of anything despite the opportunity to speak with the most rational of the personalities. Every answer raises more questions, and every thought seems more ludicrous than the last.
“Is this even real?” I mutter.
“Of course it’s real.”
For the first time, I hear something resembling emotion from Netti, but I’m not sure if she’s insulted or just annoyed by all of the questions.
“But it’s all in her head, isn’t it? I mean, you aren’t really three different people.”
Netti turns her head toward me, and though I can only see the dim outline of her profile, I have the feeling she’s scowling at me.
“Fear is only in our heads, but we still feel afraid. Anger exists inside of us, but we still lash out. Only inside of us does love exist…or devotion or emotional pain. Does that make it less real?”
She turns back and rests her head against my arm again.
“I hadn’t thought of it like that,” I say softly. “Sorry.”
Netti presses her back against my chest, and I hear her sigh quietly. She grips my forearm and turns her cheek to press against mine, and I think I’m forgiven for my ignorance.
Holding her tightly, I shift to try to get a little pressure off my hip and shoulder, but the hard-packed snow beneath the cloth is uncomfortable, and there’s nothing to be done about it. I’ve slept in worse conditions.
I hear Netti’s breathing, deep and regular, and I know she’s fallen asleep. I wonder who she is going to be when she wakes up. If she is Seri again, will she remember anything of my conversation with Netti?
If she doesn’t, should I tell her?
Chapter 17
My sleep is restless.
I’ve managed to sleep in all kinds of places, from cold, metal bunks in solitary confinement to cold alleys while surrounded by thieves, but I prefer a nice, warm bed. The ground is hard, and the cold seeps through the coat I laid below us.
I don’t try to adjust my position much since Seri—or Netti—is sleeping soundly, and I don’t want
to disturb her. Or them.
I’m starting to realize that pronouns are an issue.
I open my eyes though I can’t see much of anything aside from vague shapes in the dark. I also can’t hear anything, but that’s a good sign. I think the storm has passed, and if there is starlight, I’ll be able to find the cabin. I just need to wake Seri up so I can check, but what do I call her?
Nouns are also an issue.
“Hey,” I say quietly as I shake the woman’s shoulder. “Wake up. I think the storm has passed.”
“What?” The sound from her voice is more of a croak than a word, and it’s immediately followed by a fit of coughing.
“You okay?” I ask when the cough quiets down.
“I think so.” She coughs a bit more and then tries to sit up.
“Low ceiling,” I say, reminding her. “Be careful.”
She lifts herself onto her elbows, and the parka falls off her head and shoulder. She shivers and presses close to me, coughing again.
“You sure you’re all right?” I ask. I grit my teeth, trying to figure out who I’m talking to. “Do you know where you are? What’s my name? What’s your name? What’s the cat’s name?”
“Ha ha,” she says. “Bishop, Seri, and Solo. Can I get up now?”