“Oh.” I don’t know how to respond to that, and I’m not sure how to ask for clarification. Obviously, Netti doesn’t classify my nocturnal activities with Iris as “important,” and I’m debating whether or not I should feel insulted. I kind of doubt I’m going to get any kind of logical answer to such an illogical question, so I move on. “So, you only come out when Seri is scared, right?”
“Primarily.”
“There are other times?”
“Yes. When she was young, I only came when the girl was frightened. I do the same now to protect her from fear and stress, but there are other times. Sometimes, Iris is…difficult.”
“Difficult?”
“Iris likes to take the spotlight. She has a tendency to get us all into trouble.”
“Like the donuts.”
“Donuts?”
“Iris is the one who stole the donuts that first day we met,” I say. “That’s why Seri doesn’t know how they got into her pocket.”
“Oh, yes,” Netti says. “That was Iris. She tends to be more driven by base desires. She’s always been that way.”
“I guess that’s why they need a negotiator.”
“Precisely.”
“What else do you negotiate?”
“Time,” she says simply, and I have to press her for an explanation. “Iris would like to come forward more often, but that is not in Seri’s best interest. Seri is fragile and must be protected. Iris is more selfish. She’d like more time with you, but I have not allowed it.”
“Why not?”
“She would emerge every night if she were able,” Netti says. “She’s quite taken with you, but I can only do so much when it comes to hiding Iris from Seri. Too much time spent and Seri would know something wasn’t right. She must be protected, first and foremost.”
“Protected from me?”
“Yes, but not in the way you may be thinking,” she says. “We appreciate what you have done for us—for all of us. I don’t think we would be here now, in this little snow house, if you planned to do her harm.”
“I wouldn’t hurt her.” The words are out before I even think. As soon as I hear them, I realize I haven’t had any violent thoughts about her in days.
In fact, I haven’t had any violent thoughts since I spilled my guts to Seri when I was drunk. I don’t know why I didn’t realize it sooner. I’d been with Margot for years, and I never stopped having vile images flash through my head. Maybe they were less frequent than when I first met her, but they never went away completely.
Now they were just…gone.
At first, having this woman in my cabin was just mildly annoying. Strangely enough, I’d grown comfortable with her presence. Watching her move around the cabin, make dinner, wash dishes, play with the cat—it all felt normal—or at least what I thought normal was supposed to feel like.
I swallow hard as I think about my decision to build a snow cave. What would I have done if it were just me out here in a snowstorm? Granted, I wouldn’t have wandered into the marshes and fallen through the ice, but even then, I wouldn’t have gone into strict survival mode. I would have tried to make it back to the cabin, and fuck it all if I died along the way.
I wasn’t trying to save me; I was trying to save her.
Them.
Whatever.
I squeeze my eyes shut. All of this talk about how many people are inside of the woman wrapped up in my arms has made my own head go soft. Obviously, I need some sleep, but there’s one more question I need to ask first, one that’s been bothering me for a while now.
“Netti?” I have to clarify the name once again, just in case.
“Hmm?”
“Is Iris…is she dangerous?”