Why did I always have to be the strong one for everyone else?
“No, for real, guys. Clint’s really bad off.”
“I heard he broke his collarbone.”
“And a concussion? Poor guy. I don’t know what Rae’s doing here at school.”
“Yeah, I’d be by his side every second if I was his girlfriend.”
The only thing that made me smile was the school referring to me as ‘his girlfriend.’
I didn’t like anything else, though.
“Rae, can I ask you—?”
“Rae, what—?”
“Rae, do you have an update on—?”
“Rae, I heard you—”
Every time someone stopped to ask me a question—to actually own up to their curiosities—someone stepped in my way. Michael. Allison. A teacher. The principal. And I was thankful for it. I’d talked about it enough to the police. To the doctors. With Clint. With myself. I didn’t want to talk about it with anyone else. I didn’t want to keep reliving it. It happened, it was over, and all I wanted to do was focus on Clint’s recovery.
And how to tap-dance around his father in the process.
The school lunch bell rang and I sighed. I gathered my things and rushed to my locker, exchanging one set of books for another. I held back tears as I twirled the dial to unlock it. At this point in my day, Clint would have come up and put his hand on my shoulder. Spun me around. Grinned down at me with that shit-eating grin of his before offering to carry my books. Yet his touch didn’t come. That grin didn’t appear. I stuffed my books into my locker and grabbed the ones I needed for the back half of my day, feeling my stomach growling out for food.
But I wasn’t hungry.
I didn’t have the energy to eat.
Michael walked up to me. “Ready for lunch?”
Allison giggled. “There you two are. I walked into the cafeteria and was like, ‘Whoa, where is everyone?’”
She let out a forced giggle and I sighed. I closed my locker door and gave my best friend a polite smile, trying to thank her for her efforts. Then she put her hand on my shoulder. Much like Clint would have had he been there.
“He’s going to be okay, Rae. I promise.”
Michael took my books. “Yeah. He’s strong as hell, and stubborn. He’ll pull through this.”
“I know. I know you guys are right. It just… hurts. The murmurs hurt. The rumors hurt. And make me angry. I just wish this school wasn’t what it is, you know?”
Allison snickered. “You and me both. Now let’s go get some food.”
Michael sighed. “I’m starving. Is it pizza day yet?”
They managed to make me smile as we walked our way through the cafeteria. We got our food and sit down in our usual spot, with my books piled beside me. I only picked at a few things, though. Softly sipped my soda. What I wanted was to go back to the hospital. What I wanted was to be eating with Clint. What I wanted was to not be reminded constantly of what happened to him. What happened to us. What happened that night.
But every single student wanted a slice of the pie. A sliver of the drama all to themselves so they could feel important.
“Well. I wasn’t sure if you’d show up today or not.”
Roy’s voice made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.
“Especially since you weren’t here Friday.”
And of course, there was Marina’s voice. Right alongside his.