I nodded, taking another bite. “Like butter.”
The two of us continued eating and her vibrance filled the room. I knew she’d take it harder than me when Dad faltered on his word. But I knew how things rolled around here. I didn’t want to say any of this to my stepmother, though. She seemed so happy, and I wanted to enjoy that happiness for a while. So I chose to enjoy her company and eat with her instead of pin-pricking her happiness.
After all, my father did enough of that.
Ask her why.
I pushed the thought away from my mind. For days now, I’d been wondering why she loved my father. Why she was with my father. And while I could conjure a decent-enough answer, something about this entire situation wanted to hear it from her mouth. Wanted to hear her open up and say it. Maybe it was all of our discussions, or somehow getting to know one another. But something inside me wanted to hear her admit why she was still with my father.
Then again, it also wasn’t any of my business.
Plus, you don’t want to piss her off and have her leave you alone in this place.
No. I really didn’t want that. If Cecilia left, this hospital stay would be even more lonely than it had already become. No. It was better to keep the peace and let her be ignorant for a little while. Keep that blissful nature about her that filled up whatever space she might have occupied. She cured my loneliness. She made this stuffy ICU room more bearable.
Minus Rae, of course. Rae made this place shine. Hell, Rae made any place shine. Rae could’ve made the bowels of hell itself shine with her presence.
Thank fuck for Rae.
And maybe someday, I’d feel confident enough to indulge Cecilia with stories of my girlfriend.
13
Raelynn
As I sat in my English class just before lunch, I felt everyone’s eyes on me. I heard them whispering. I felt their minds wondering. I smelled their confusion and their questions. Their snickers made me upset. Their scoffs made me want to punch them. All day long, people had been staring. When Michael, Allison, and I walked through those school doors. Every time I walked to class and paused by Clint’s locker. Every time I got up to do anything, everyone watched my every move.
It felt like even the teachers were out to get me.
“I heard he fell over.”
“I heard he was pushed over.”
“Do you think she pushed him over?”
“Maybe he jumped over because she won’t leave him alone.”
“I don’t know, I heard there was a car involved.”
“Her car?”
“No, no. I don’t think she has a car.”
“So she rides on the back of his bike? Lucky.”
You’re damn right I’m lucky.
As the day progressed on, I tried my best
to keep my head above water. To stay out of the gossip and ignore the slivers of voices I heard wafting around me. Every transition to class made it a bit more difficult, though. Every bathroom break I took, the girls would stare at me. Silence themselves. Like they were talking about me before I walked up. I shook my head and made my way into the stalls, wanting a bit of peace and quiet. A safe space to breathe before going back out into the shark-infested waters of Valley High School.
I hated this fucking place.
I knew everyone was familiar with what happened. The crash. The boys. The car. Clint’s bike. How he was in the hospital, and not due to return to school for a while. Everyone gossiped about it. I had to stop Allison from interjecting into their conversations. I had to hold Michael back a few times, seeing as he lunged at people trying to come up with asinine excuses as to why I was there.
“It’s okay, Michael. Come on. We just need to get through the day.”
In some ways, I was thankful for them. They wanted to leap to defend Clint. To defend me. And in other ways, I was upset. I was there. I brought Clint back to life. I was the one that got him into this situation, yet I was the one holding other people back?