God, the pain in his eyes. His expression was bland, clear, no tears marred his gaze, no grimace of rage creased his face. But his eyes were alive with it.
“How did Tansy die?”
He ran his hand roughly over his stubbled jaw.
“They threw me out. I was seventeen, no money, no job, I’d graduated high school that year but I was still dumb as the road. I took a job in a New Orleans coffeehouse and café that was frequented by my parents’ friends.” His lips twisted mockingly. “My parents called me a disgrace. I would laugh at night at the expressions on their friends’ faces when they realized I was working there. And the pity in their eyes when they tipped me. I knew they were talking. I knew my parents were paying.” His expression twisted then, the pain a hard grimace on his face as he turned away from her.
“The café was used by people other than my parents’ friends. It was the early days of Diego Fuentes’s reign in the cartel. His suppliers were there. They were braggarts and they didn’t bother to hide what they were doing. I would pick up the information during the day and sell it to the police detective who approached me one night after work.”
“And they found out.”
“They found out.” He nodded. “They had a hit on a local judge. They were going after him that night. I called my friend, they caught them in the act, and I had to testify.”
His hands pushed through his hair. “I had to testify.”
He shook his head roughly before turning back to her.
“Did you testify?”
“They threatened Tansy. I got a message at work, that if I didn’t retract my statement, they would make her pay. I left work and went to the Beaulaine mansion. The keys to an old boat were there. I needed that boat to hide Tansy. We had a hunting cabin in the bayou. No one knew where it was except the family. No one knew about it.”
She could feel it coming. She could feel the pain, the horror building inside her.
“They found her?”
He nodded bleakly. “My mother caught me stealing the keys. She warned me that if I didn’t leave Tansy that she would make certain Tansy paid for it.” His voice lowered. “She sent a message to the suppliers, and she told them where Tansy was hidden. She told them I was with her, even though I wasn’t. She knew I wasn’t. I had to work because the doctor had to have the money up front for the baby, and the larger she grew with our child, the weaker Tansy seemed to get. I couldn’t afford to hide.”
Emily was silent as he finished speaking. He seemed to stare off into the distance for a long moment.
“I didn’t have to hide,” he finally said softly. “I knew something was wrong when I eased the boat into the bank that evening. I knew she was dead. The gators were churning in the water, even they could smell her blood. My baby’s blood. And they were hungry.” His gaze seemed to chill then, became icy, hard. “They ate that night, Emily,” he snarled then. “I fed them the bodies of those fucking animals that killed my family.”
Emily felt the tears that slid from her eyes and fought to hold back her sobs. Kell wasn’t crying. He was stone hard, cold, icy.
“The woman who gave birth to me, who swore for seventeen years of my life that I was the light in her heart, betrayed my family. She signed her grandchild’s death warrant without so much as a flicker of regret. And when it was over, whe
n I was standing over my goddamned wife’s grave, her fucking lawyer stepped up to me and informed me that if I wished, I would be reinstated within the family.” His laughter was mocking. “As though their deaths meant no more to them than a mild inconvenience. As though the six months I had spent scraping together the money to pay a doctor and to feed my wife wasn’t even a blip in their little world.”
“Oh God. Kell.” She reached out to him, seeing the remembered horror of that time on his face.
She expected him to reject her, to push her away, but she needed to touch him. She needed to warm that icy rage in his eyes.
She stepped to him, laid her head on his chest, and pushed her arms beneath his to wrap around his back. He stiffened, his hands clasping her shoulders, before a hard shudder shook his body and he wrapped himself around her instead.
He rocked her. His lips pressed against her neck as he breathed in raggedly.
“I wasn’t stupid when I married Tansy,” he said softly. “She loved me, but I knew the lure of the drugs would have taken her back. But the baby. That was my baby, Emily. My child.”
And he would have died for it. He had killed for it. And he had turned his back on the family whose betrayal had changed his life forever.
“I know,” she whispered tearfully.
His chest cushioned her tears as she heard the weary acceptance finally overshadow the rage and pain in his voice.
Then his hands were gripping her head, pulling it back, his gaze blazing into hers, filled with such possessiveness, such heat, it took her breath.
“I won’t lose you,” he vowed hoarsely then. “Do you understand me, Emily? Something broke inside me when I lost my family, but if I lose you, I couldn’t survive the rage. Do you hear me?”
“Kell—” she whispered in startled surprise at his declaration.