“Yeah, well, maybe you should be.”
Chapter 26
Lila
“You’re sure about this?” Thayer holds a foil packet between two fingers. Apparently he bought condoms back in May when we went to the mainland and he’s been carrying one around with him ever since. He claims when I confessed to him that I was still a virgin and I’d only ever fooled around with guys before, he wanted to take it slow and make sure this is what I really wanted before he went for it.
“Yes, now come on.” I trace my fingers down his bare thigh. and he rips the foil between his teeth and proceeds to slip it over his fully engorged cock.
The two of us are completely naked for the first time, which is risky because on the off-chance someone busts in here, we’d be screwed—literally, no time to tug on pants, zip zippers, or mess with shirts. But he leaves in less than two weeks and I want my first time to be special. All of him and all of me. Nothing quick, nothing rushed.
He positions himself between my thighs, which I now realize are shaking, and drags the tip of his sheathed cock along my seam before slowly guiding it in.
It’s the strangest sensation at first—slightly painful before a satisfying burst of pleasure once he’s all the way in.
“You doing okay?” he asks as he looks into my eyes.
I bite my lip before nodding. “Yeah. Keep going.”
Thayer fills me again and again, taking his time, his hips moving in perfect rhythm, not too fast, not too slow, and my body unfurls beneath him, relaxing and sinking into the mattress below.
I’ve never felt this close to anyone, and my only regret now is that we didn’t do this sooner.
“I love you, Lila,” he whispers into my ear.
“I love you too.”
I run my hands along his sides, his muscles rippling beneath my palms with each thrust, and my hips buck in response.
With his head buried against my shoulder, he kisses my neck before working his way down to my breasts, taking each nipple between his soft lips before getting back into his rhythm.
I could so do this forever with him.
When the ache between my thighs intensifies a few minutes later, I know I’m getting closer and there’s no turning back, and when I ride the wave that follows, I swear I see stars.
He thrusts harder, faster …
And when we’re both finished, he collapses beside me, breathless, his hand interlaced with mine.
I curl up against him, resting my cheek against his chest and hooking my arm over his stomach. He kisses the top of my head, and we lay there, still and basking in the moment.
“I want to go to Italy,” I say.
“That’s random.” He sniffs a laugh through his nose.
“I know. I don’t know why, but I just decided that,” I say. “We should go there someday.”
He traces his fingers down my arm, leaving a trail of tiny goosebumps. “Maybe we should talk about next month before we talk about someday…”
The delirious smile I’ve been wearing leaves my lips and I know it’s time to have the conversation we’ve both been putting of all summer.
“Yeah.” I sit up. “So … where do we start? Who goes first?”
“Why don’t you tell me what you think and we’ll go from there?”
“What I think about what? Staying together? Splitting up?”
He winces. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, if he’s wincing because I mentioned “splitting up” or wincing because he thinks I want to stay together and that’s not the same thing he wants.
“I’ll be right back,” he says, getting up. He disappears down the hall, cleaning up I assume, and when he returns, he lies down and pulls me up against him. His heart drums against my ear. He’s just as anxious about this talk as I am.
This conversation isn’t going to be easy, but we have to have it, so I stuff my nerves deep down, take a second to gather my thoughts, and let him have it.
“I love you, Thayer,” I say. “Like … beyond obsessed and addicted and insanely wild about you. I can’t see myself feeling this way about anyone else. Ever. You have my heart. And I think you know that. When you leave, you’re going to be spending the next two semesters on a campus filled with thousands of beautiful women, and odds are some of them are going to cross paths with you and when they do, they’ll realize what a catch you are. And I’ll be here. On this island. With your grandfather and my grandparents, missing you, thinking of you, and wondering every single day if you still feel the same way.”
He’s quiet, but I realize he’s holding my hand.
“I’ve thought about the long-distance relationship thing,” I say. “But there’s no cell service out here. No internet. We can’t send each other letters for obvious reasons. If I called you from my grandparents’ phone, they’re going to see it on their phone bill and figure it out. I’ve got no way to leave the island and come visit you for days at a time without that being a huge red flag. This whole thing is a logistical nightmare.” I take a deep breath. “But all of that said … I’m not ready to let you go.”