I took a cautious sip, since it was hot, then coughed over the unexpected - and unwelcome - flavor.
"What is this?" "Blueberry-flavored coffee."
Abruptly, I was the one scowling.
"Who the hell wants to drink that?" "Ah, see .
it's our job to figure out who, then sell this to them."
He lifted his mug in a toast.
"Here's to our latest account!" Wincing, I straightened my spine and took another sip.
* * *
I was pretty sure the sickly sweet taste of artificial blueberries was still coating my tongue two hours later.
Since it was time for my break, I started an Internet search for Dr.
Terrence Lucas, a man who'd clearly rubbed Gideon the wrong way when I'd seen the two men together at dinner the night before.
I hadn't gotten any further than typing the doctor's name in the search box when my desk phone rang."Mark Garrity's office," I answered.
"Eva Tramell speaking."
"Are you serious about Vegas?" Cary asked without preamble.
"Totally."
There was a pause.
"Is this when you tell me you're moving in with your billionaire boyfriend and I've got to go?""What? No.
Are you nuts?" I squeezed my eyes shut, understanding how insecure Cary was but thinking we were too far along in our friendship for those kinds of doubts.
"You're stuck with me for life, you know that."
"And you just up and decided we should go to Vegas?" "Pretty much.
Figured we could sip mojitos by the pool and live off room service for a couple days."
"I'm not sure how much I can pitch in for that."
"Don't worry, it's on Gideon.
His plane, his hotel.
We'll just cover our food and drinks."
A lie, since I planned on covering everything except the airfare, but Cary didn't need to know that."And he's not coming with us?" I leaned back in my chair and stared at one of the photos of Gideon.
I missed him already and it'd been only a couple of hours since we'd been together.
"He's got business in Arizona, so he'll share the flights back and forth, but it'll be just you and me in Vegas.
I think we need it."
"Yeah."
He exhaled harshly.
"I could do with a change of scenery and some quality time with my best girl."
"Okay, then.
He wants to fly out by eight tomorrow night."
"I'll start packing.
Want me to put a bag together for you, too?" "Would you? That'd be great!" Cary could've been a stylist or personal shopper.
He had serious talent when it came to clothes.
"Eva?" "Yeah?" He sighed.
"Thank you for putting up with my shit."
"Shut up."
After we hung up, I stared at the phone for a long minute, hating that Cary was so unhappy when everything in his life was going so well.
He was an expert at self-sabotage, never truly believing he was worthy of happiness.
As I returned my attention to work, the Google search on my monitor reminded me of my interest in Dr.
Terry Lucas.
A few articles about him had been posted on the Web, complete with pictures that cemented the verification.
Pediatrician.
Forty-five years of age.
Married for twenty years.
Nervously, I searched for "Dr.
Terrence Lucas and wife," inwardly cringing at the thought of seeing a golden-skinned, long-haired brunette.
I exhaled my relief when I saw that Mrs.
Lucas was a pale-skinned woman with short, bright red hair.
But that left me with more questions.
I'd figured it would be a woman who'd caused the trouble between the two men.
The fact was, Gideon and I really didn't know that much about each other.
We knew the ugly stuff - at least he knew mine; I'd mostly guessed his from some pretty obvious clues.
We knew some of the basic cohabitation stuff about each other after spending so many nights sleeping over at our respective apartments.
He'd met half of my family and I'd met all of his.
But we hadn't been together long enough to touch on a whole lot of the periphery stuff.
And frankly, I think we weren't as forthcoming or inquisitive as we could've been, as if we were afraid to pile any more crap onto an already struggling relationship.
We were together because we were addicted to each other.
I was never as intoxicated as I was when we were happy together, and I knew it was the same for him.
We were putting ourselves through the wringer for those moments of perfection between us, but they were so tenuous that only our stubbornness, determination, and love kept us fighting for them.
Enough with making yourself crazy.
I checked my e-mail, and found my daily Google alert on "Gideon Cross."
The day's digest of links led mostly to photos of Gideon, in black tie sans tie, and me at the charity dinner at the Waldorf Astoria the night before.
"God."
I couldn't help but be reminded of my mother when looking at the pictures of me in a champagne Vera Wang cocktail dress.
Not just because of how closely my looks mirrored my mom's - aside from my hair being long and straight - but also because of the mega-mogul whose arm I graced.
Monica Tramell Barker Mitchell Stanton was very, very good at being a trophy wife.
She knew precisely what was expected of her and delivered without fail.
Although she'd been divorced twice, both times had been by her choice and both divorces had left her exes despondent over losing her.
I didn't think less of my mother, because she gave as good as she got and didn't take anyone for granted, but I'd grown up striving for independence.
My right to say no was my most valued possession.
Minimizing my e-mail window, I pushed my personal life aside and went back to searching for market comparisons on fruity coffee.
I coordinated some initial meetings between the strategists and Mark and helped Mark with brainstorming a campaign for a gluten-free restaurant.
Noon approached and I was starting to feel seriously hungry when my phone rang.
I answered with my usual greeting.
"Eva?" an accented female voice greeted me.
"It's Magdalene.
Do you have a minute?" I leaned back in my chair, alert.
Magdalene and I had once shared a moment of sympathy over Corinne's unexpected and unwanted reappearance in Gideon's life, but I'd never forget how vicious Magdalene had been to me the first time we'd met.
"Just.
What's up?"She sighed, then spoke quickly, her words flowing in a rush.
"I was sitting at the table behind Corinne last night.
I could hear a bit of what was being said between her and Gideon during dinner."
My stomach tensed, preparing for an emotional blow.
Magdalene knew just how to exploit my insecurities about Gideon.
"Stirring up crap while I'm at work is a new low," I said coldly.
"I don't - " "He wasn't ignoring you."
My mouth hung open a second, and she quickly filled the silence.
"He was managing her, Eva.
She was making suggestions for where to take you around New York since you're new in town, but she was doing it by playing the old remember-when-you- and-I-went-there game."
"A walk down memory lane," I muttered, grateful now that I hadn't been able to hear much of Gideon's low-voiced conversation with his ex.
"Yes."
Magdalene took a deep breath.
"You left because you thought he was ignoring you for her.
I just want you to know that he seemed to be thinking about you, trying to keep Corinne from upsetting you."
"Why do you care?" "Who says I do? I owe you one, Eva, for the way I introduced myself."
I thought about that.
Yeah, she owed me for when she ambushed me in the bathroom with her catty jealous bullshit.
Not that I bought it as her sole motivation.
Maybe I was just the lesser of two evils.
Maybe she was keeping her enemies close.
"All right.
Thank you."
No denying I felt better.
A weight I hadn't realized I was carrying around was suddenly relieved.
"Something else," Magdalene went on.
"He went after you."
My grip tightened on the phone receiver.
Gideon always came after me .
because I was always running.
My recovery was so fragile that I'd learned to protect it at all costs.
When something threatened my stability, I ditched it.
"There have been other women in his life who've tried ultimatums like that, Eva.
They got bored or they wanted his attention or some kind of grand gesture .
So they walked away and expected him to come after them.
You know what he did?" "Nothing," I said softly, knowing my man.
A man who never spent social time with women he slept with and never slept with women he associated with socially.
Corinne and I were the sole exceptions to that rule, which was yet another reason why his ex sent me into fits of jealousy.
"Nothing more than making sure Angus dropped them off safely," she confirmed, making me think it'd been a tactic she'd tried at some point.
"But when you left, he couldn't chase after you fast enough.
And he wasn't himself when he said good-bye.
He seemed .
off."
Because he'd felt fear.
My eyes closed as I mentally kicked myself.
Hard.
Gideon had told me more than once that it terrified him when I ran, because he couldn't handle the thought that I might not come back.
What good did it do to say that I couldn't imagine living without him when I so often showed him otherwise with my actions? Was it any wonder he hadn't opened up to me about his past? I had to stop running.
Gideon and I were both going to have to stand and fight for this, for us, if we were going to have any hope of making our relationship work.
"Do I owe you now?" I asked neutrally, returning Mark's wave as he left for lunch.
Magdalene exhaled in a rush.
"Gideon and I have known each other a long time.
Our mothers are best friends.
You and I will see each other around, Eva, and I'm hoping we can find a way to avoid any awkwardness."
The woman had come up to me and told me that the minute Gideon "shoved his dick" in me, I was "done."
And she'd hit me with that at a moment when I was especially vulnerable.
"Listen, Magdalene, if you don't cause drama, we'll get by."
And since she was being so forthright .
"I can screw up my relationship with Gideon all by myself, trust me.
I don't need any help."
She laughed softly.
"That was my mistake, I think - I was too careful and too accommodating.
He has to work at it with you.
Anyway .
I've taken up my minute.
I'll let you go."
"Enjoy your weekend," I said, in lieu of thanks.
I still couldn't trust her motivation.
"You, too."
As I returned the receiver to its cradle, my gaze went to the photos of me and Gideon.
I was abruptly overwhelmed by feelings of greed and possession.
He was mine, yet I couldn't be sure from one day to the next whether he'd stay mine.
And the thought of any other woman having him made me insane.
I pulled open my bottom drawer and dug my smartphone out of my purse.