Logan walks straight over to Shawna, resting his hand against her upper arm. “Are you okay?”
She takes a final drag of her cigarette, dropping the butt and standing on it with her gold sandaled foot. “It’s never going to get better.”
“No, it isn’t, but college is nearly over.”
“I’ll have to leave town to escape him,” she says, defeated.
“As much as I’d hate to see him do well, I think the best we can hope for is that he gets signed to a team in a different state.”
“I’ve got everything crossed,” she says.
The party goes on for a few more hours, but the confrontation with Cox has taken the edge off the celebration. When the final guests leave, we agree to clear up the next day and crash out in the den for an after-party conversation.
I slump onto the sofa, feeling worn out. I check my phone, finding more messages from Cora. She’s worried about me and pissed at Cathy for spreading gossip about me. She asks if that’s the reason I haven’t come back to college. She tells me that I shouldn’t let Cathy and Justin run me out of town. “You still have friends, and it’s your life. You can’t let them mess it up.” Her messages are so sweet that I feel my eyes well with tears. What do I say to her? It would be easy to deny that Justin and Cathy have anything to do with why I’m still here with my foster brothers, but it wouldn’t be true. When your life becomes something difficult, leaving it behind can feel easier than dealing with it. But there is more to it than that. Being here and finding my feet in a new place feels like a relief. I text her back, telling her that I’m okay. I tell her that I’m hanging out with my foster brothers and that I’m not sure when I’m coming home. It’s all true, but only half of the truth. Cora is a good friend, and keeping important things from her doesn’t feel good. Then again, I’m not in a place where confiding my confused feelings would make any kind of sense.
“You did good tonight, Maggie,” Gordon says. “But I wish you wouldn’t keep jumping in… especially where Cox is concerned.”
“I just didn’t want anything to mess up your chances.”
I’m sitting next to Logan, and he throws his arm around my shoulder, pulling me against his chest. “Maggie’s got the same fierce protective streak that Dad had.”
“Yeah, but Dad was six foot two and three hundred pounds,” Reggie says.
“I just hate that guy… the way he was talking to Shawna was unbelievable.”
“That was tame compared to how he was when she dumped him.” Gordon shakes his head in disgust at the memory. “But you need to take it easy, Maggie. You’ve got eleven men here, and it’s our job to protect you.”
“And I’m sure you would if I needed it. If Cox had gotten rough, I know you’d be there to make sure I didn’t get hurt, but if I think I can make things better, then I will. It’s just how I am.”
“And we love you for it,” Logan says.
Love.
It’s a big word, but there’s not a hint of regret in his face at using it. I think about the rush I felt when I thought Cox was going to attack Donovan and Logan. The same rush I felt for Gordon in the gym. It’s the same protective feeling that I get when I think about any of these men and what they’ve been through in their lives.
Is that what love is? Warmth mixed with a fierce reaction to protect at any cost?
Danna told me she knew within a week that the Jacksons were her destiny. She knew she loved them faster than I ever thought would be possible, yet here I am in the same position.
The thought of going home to live with Mom and getting back to my old life fills me with an ache that makes my throat hurt. To not feel their hands on me or hear their laughter. To not see the light in their eyes or know their concerns. It would feel like torture to leave them behind.
Logan’s fingers skim my bare shoulder, trailing up my neck and leaving a line of gooseflesh in their wake. Sean’s hand rests on my leg, touching just under the hem of the gorgeous sweater dress that he so thoughtfully purchased for me. Logan tips my chin to kiss my lips gently, and all around us, the room slips into silence.
A silence that feels like it’s dripping with intention.
So far, I’ve only been with these men alone or in small groups, but tonight everyone is here. Tonight, maybe I’m ready for the final test.
Can we really all be together?