And not Ben.
Ben’s gone.
* * *
“Clara.” Maureen snaps her fingers in front of my face.
“I’m sorry what were you saying?”
“Oh my god, you’re not even paying attention. This is my wedding. This is my day. So, stop trying to steal my attention.”
I barely keep myself from flipping her off, mostly because she’s right. This is her wedding day and all the attention should be on her, and not my spacey brain or the humongous bags under my eyes. When Ben left and after I tipped the poor pizza guy a twenty for scaring the hell out of him, I sat on my bed, wondering where everything went wrong.
Anytime my phone would go off, I’d lunge for it, hoping it was Ben. It wasn’t. Fucking emails and social media updates have my abs burning from sitting up all night.
“Go see if everything’s ready.”
“Maureen, the wedding coordinator just went out to check on everything.”
“Clara, just go, and when you come back you better be ready to focus on me and only me for the rest of the day.”
As I walk away, I realize how wrong I was in the way I handled things with Ben last night. I was scared and pushed him away because I didn’t want to deal with his past. It was unfair, and as soon as I can I’m going to make it right. He shouldn’t be punished for his past since he hasn’t shown me anything but his loyalty, and now it’s my turn.
Chapter 18
Ben
As I leave Clara’s house, I'm a wreck. I want to punch something, hard. I end up finding my way to the garage to work out in our gym. I do everything I can to try to erase Clara from my brain.
But nothing works.
She’s all I can think about.
Axel and Damien come in and stop me from breaking my knuckles open on the punching bag.
"What the hell is going on?" Damien demands.
I cross my arms over my chest refusing to tell them, not really wanting to say what happened out loud.
"If you don't tell us, we're calling Clara." Axel takes his phone out of his pocket.
"Stop." I lunge for the phone, but I'm too late and he tosses it to Damien. "Fine." I slump against the weight bench and tell them everything.
I tell them about Maureen, and how Clara and I had a fight.
"She has a point," Axel says after I finish.
"What? You're my brother, you're supposed to be on my side."
Axel grins, "I am on your side, but you have to admit worrying about running into women your boyfriend has slept with kind of sucks. You need a strong woman to be able to handle that."
"Clara's strong, and I can't change my past but I would never hurt her."
Axel smiles like I just figured out an impossible math problem.
"Clara is strong, and she can most likely handle your past. She was upset and pushed you away. I bet she's wondering how to apologize to you right now," Damien says, clapping me on the shoulder. "You're both going to have to swallow your pride and your fear if you really want this."
"I need to think." I get up and head to my room.
* * *
So, when I woke up this morning, I knew I had to make things right. I won’t let her push me away because of my past. And I won’t push her away because I don’t think I’m ready.
Because newsflash, I’m more than ready.
I’ve never wanted anyone more in my life. And for the past few weeks it’s been easy to be in a relationship. I’ve spent my whole life afraid of the ‘R’ word and the big ‘L’ word, but funny thing, I had nothing to fear. Because when you meet the right girl, it comes so easily.
Seriously.
“Where the hell are you going looking so sexy?” Axel comes over, helping me straighten my bow tie.
“I’m going to Maureen’s wedding.”
Axel pats my bow tie and steps back, surveying his handy work.
“What, you’re not going to talk me out of it? Remind me, both Clara and Maureen uninvited me yesterday. Tell me I should be completely sure about such a big decision.” My hands are on my hips and I’m ready for a fight. In fact, a fight sounds perfect.
“Shit,” Damien says, pulling his wallet out and putting a hundred dollar bill in Axel’s outstretched hand. “I should’ve known you wouldn’t stay away. Why couldn't you wait until after the wedding?”
“You two bet on me?"
"Yes, and I thought for sure you would wait until the reception.”
“Thank you for being impatient.” Axel pockets his cash. “You better get going. You don’t want to be late.”
“Go get her, big brother,” Damien says, throwing me the keys to my Range Rover.
With determination, I walk past them and burn out as I pull out of the driveway.