That explains the change in Miles I witnessed the morning after dinner, and his subsequent call for a truce. Part of me grows warm at knowing Sebastian is protecting me, even now.
The other part wants to slap him upside the head for demanding another man gives me respect without doing the same himself.
“Respect. Yes, let’s talk about that.” I hold his brilliant blue gaze, ignoring how his hair rustles in the breeze, begging for the comb of my fingers. “Did you figure it out yet?”
“Figure what out, exactly?”
“If your duty is to me or Lilith.”
“I already answered you, princess.” He grits his teeth, as if trying to temper his anger. “The morning you left, I made it clear where I stand.”
“You want me, yes, but you didn’t think it was important to share details, so what am I supposed to think or believe?”
With an exhale, he lets go of the anger. “I didn’t come here to fight with you. I came here to talk.”
“Then talk.”
“Opening up has never been easy for me, Novalee.”
“I understand that.” Without elaborating, I take a step back, my stance remaining firm. If he wants forgiveness, then he needs to spill the entire truth and his reasons for keeping it from me.
“Okay,” he says with a decisive nod. “Lilith has no interest in being a mother.”
I spin his words in my mind, studying them from every angle, but I still can’t make sense of them. “But you said she’s keeping the baby.”
“She’s continuing the pregnancy, but she doesn’t want to raise a child.”
I blink, completely thrown because his explanation is the last thing I expected. “So what does that mean?”
“It means I’m going to be a father.” He pauses, letting three heavy seconds pass. “And this baby is going to need a mother, Novalee.”
In a land where men rule, women are subservient, and children are used to propagate such a vicious cycle, how is Lilith allowed to just walk away, washing her hands clean of her own offspring? How can she do it when Sebastian can’t bring himself to do the same? The role reversal shakes the ground under my feet, because I feared he was like the rest of the men in the Brotherhood.
A liar.
A keeper of secrets.
A masterful architect of betrayal.
But he is different, taking responsibility when he doesn’t have to—when the law of the land doesn’t require him to.
“Are you telling me you want to raise this baby…with me?”
His lips twitch into a hint of a grin. “Who else would I want to raise a child with?”
“I thought…I feared this would come between us.”
“That was my fear, too.” He’s hesitant, taking a step toward me, narrowing the distance. “Landon accepted Elise’s child as his own without a second thought, and I didn’t understand how he did it so easily. I thought you wouldn’t want to do this with me, and I wanted to choose you so badly, but I can’t turn my back. I just…I can’t.”
“I want you, Sebastian, and anything that comes with you.” I’d give anything to be able to take his face in my hands, to feel his lips on mine and his strength surrounding my body.
The urge is intense, but we’re out in the open where anyone can spot us. Blinking back tears, I retreat by a few steps, my gaze glued to the waves several hundred feet below the cliffs.
“Jesus, princess. I’d hold you right now if I could.”
Biting my lip, I nod. “You can’t.”
Too much is at stake.
He brushes his hair back. “The rest of this year is going to be hell. That place is empty without you.” He nods in the direction of the tower. “The highlight of my fucking day is watching you walk.”
“You’ve been watching me?” While Miles spends his mornings pounding the pavement on the road winding down the hillside, I’m drawn to the cliffs. Or maybe, on some subconscious level, I knew Sebastian was looking down from those windows. It’s the only connection we’re allowed now that I’m no longer in his house.
“I lost count of the times I almost came down here to talk to you, but I…” With a sigh, he swings his attention to Elise. “I only have so much self-control, and it’s imperative I keep my goddamn hands off of you.”
Said hands fist at his sides, a visual of a desperate fight for control.
I suck in a breath, my heart skipping a beat. “I should go,” I say, taking a step toward Elise, seeking her presence as sanctuary against the temptation standing before me.
“Wait.”
“Sebastian—” The protest dies on my lips as he pulls me close, his hollow breaths fanning over my face.
Slowly, he lets go of my hand, but not before his warm fingers imprint on my own, leaving behind a phantom caress that tingles through my nerve-endings long after he withdraws his touch.