“You know.” Sniffling, Hayley reared back.
“Look at you.” Smiling a little, Roz brushed Hayley’s hair away from her damp cheeks. “Sitting here crying, happy, scared tears. The kind a woman sheds over some man she’s realized she’s crazy about, and doesn’t know quite how the hell it happened to her.”
“I didn’t really know until last night. I knew I liked him, that I cared about him, but mostly I thought I wanted to bang him. Then . . . Oh God, oh God, I actually said that.” Mortified, she pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes and rubbed. “See why this is surreal? I just told Harper’s mother I wanted to bang him.”
“I admit, the situation is a bit unique. But I think my sensibilities can handle it.”
“It all just opened up inside me last night, everything opened up and poured through. I’ve never felt like that.” Hayley pressed a hand to her heart, and the rubies glittered. “I’ve never been in love before, not all the way in love. And I thought, when it happened, that this is it, this is how it feels when you fall. Don’t tell him.” She gripped Roz’s hand. “Please don’t tell him.”
“It’s not for me to tell him. It’s for you, when you’re ready. Love’s a gift, Hayley, to be taken and received freely.”
“Love’s a lie, an illusion created by weak women and conniving men. An excuse for the middle class to breed and their betters to ignore so the
y can marry within their own station and build more wealth.”
Roz felt the shudder run through her, and her breath back up in her lungs. But she straightened, continued to look in the eyes that were no longer only Hayley’s. “Is that how you justified the choices you made?”
“I lived very well on my choices.” She lifted her arm, smiled as she trailed a finger over the bracelet. “Very well. Better than those I came from. She was content to serve on her knees. I preferred serving on my back. I could have lived here.”
She rose, wandering the room. “I should have. So now I am here. Always.”
“But you’re not happy. What happened? Why are you here, and so unhappy?”
“I made life.” She whirled, cupping a hand over her belly. “You know the power of that. Life grew in me, came from me. And he took it. My son.” She looked around, those eyes darting. “My son. I came for my son.”
“He’s gone now, too.” Roz rose slowly. “Long ago. My grandfather. He was a good man.”
“A baby. My baby. Little boy, sweet, small. Mine. Men, men are liars, thieves, cheats. I should have killed him.”
“The child?”
Those eyes glittered, bright and hard as the diamonds on her wrist. “The father. I should have found a way to kill him, all of them. Burned the house to the ground around them, and sent us all to hell.”
There was a chill, and the pity Roz had once felt couldn’t chip through the ice of it. “What did you do?”
“I came, I came in the night. Quiet as a mouse.” She tapped a finger to her lips, then began to laugh. “Gone.” She turned a circle, holding her arm high so the rubies and diamonds flashed. “All gone, everything gone. Nothing left for me.” Her head cocked, her gaze turned to the monitor, and Lily’s waking cries.
“The baby. The baby’s crying.”
Her head lolled as she slid to the floor.
“Mitch! David!” Roz rushed across the room to drop down beside Hayley.
“Got a little dizzy,” Hayley murmured, passing a hand over her face. Then she looked around, groped for Roz’s hand. “What? What?”
“It’s all right. Just stay down a minute. David.” Roz glanced over her shoulder when both men hurried into the room. “Get us some water and the brandy.”
“What happened?” Mitch demanded.
“She had a spell, an episode.”
“Lily. Lily’s crying.”
“I’ll get her.” Mitch, touched Hayley’s shoulder. “I’ll go get her.”
“I remember. I think. Sort of. My head hurts.”
“All right, sweetie. Let’s get you onto the couch.”