But your husband's alive, you see, Stella thought. Your life isn't over. Your world's the same as it was five minutes ago. So you can't know. You can't.
When she felt herself begin to shake, she pulled back. "Not now, please. I can't now. I have to take the boys home. "
"I can come with you. " There were tears on Diane's cheeks as she reached out, touched Stella's hair. "Would you like me to come, to stay with you?"
"No. Not now. I need . . . the boys. "
"I'll get them. Come inside, Stella. "
But she only shook her head.
"All right. They're in the family room. I'll bring them. Stella, if there's anything, anything at all. You've only to call. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. "
She stood in the dark, looking in at the light, and waited.
She heard the protests, the complaints, then the scrambling of feet. And there were her boys - Gavin with his father's sunny hair, Luke with his father's mouth.
"We don't want to go yet," Gavin told her. "We're playing a game. Can't we finish?"
"Not now. We have to go home now. "
"But I'm winning. It's not fair, and - "
"Gavin. We have to go. "
"Is Daddy home?"
She looked down at Luke, his happy, innocent face, and nearly broke. "No. " Reaching down, she picked him up, touched her lips to the mouth that was so like Kevin's. "Let's go home. "
She took Gavin's hand and began the walk back to her empty house.
"If Daddy was home, he'd let me finish. " Cranky tears smeared Gavin's voice. "I want Daddy. "
"I know. I do too. "
"Can we have a dog?" Luke wanted to know, and turned her face to his with his hands. "Can we ask Daddy? Can we have a dog like Jessie and Wyatt?"
"We'll talk about it later. "
"I want Daddy," Gavin said again, with a rising pitch in his voice.
He knows, Stella thought. He knows something is wrong, something's terribly wrong. I have to do this. I have to do it now.
"We need to sit down. " Carefully, very carefully, she closed the door behind her, carried Luke to the couch. She sat with him in her lap and laid her arm over Gavin's shoulder.
"If I had a dog," Luke told her soberly, "I'd take care of him. When's Daddy coming?"
"He can't come. "
" 'Cause of the busy trip?"
"He . . . " Help me. God, help me do this. "There was an accident. Daddy was in an accident. "
"Like when the cars smash?" Luke asked, and Gavin said nothing, nothing at all as his eyes burned into her face.
"It was a very bad accident. Daddy had to go to heaven. "
"But he has to come home after. "