“Charlotte!”
She looked a little conscience-stricken. “I have few choices remaining open to me now,” she said after a moment’s reflection. “I’ve no offers but indecent proposals.”
“This is far wickeder than even what I conceived to rescue my family!” Kitty said, considerably intrigued.
That set her incorrigible friend’s eyes dancing devilishly. “He wants me desperately, you know…and seems willing to grant me whatever boon I want to allow him to be my protector.”
This was said with such wistful yearning, Kitty’s heart ached for her friend. “If he desires you so ardently, why does he not offer marriage?”
Charlotte hesitated, coloring a little, and then said, meeting Kitty’s look of inquiry, “It is frightfully complicated, I fear.”
Kitty touched her shoulder lightly, knowing of Charlotte’s stubbornness once she had decided on a path of action. “I would be remiss if I did not caution you about the scandal and ruin you may find in the marquess’s arms.”
Kitty saw the stricken look on Charlotte’s face, the color ebbing from her cheeks.
She twisted her fingers together and said with ill-concealed difficulty, “There is even worse ruin in poverty.”
Kitty found herself unable to utter a word.
“Now, let’s speak of other matters,” Charlotte said with a small smile.
They chatted amicably for a few minutes before Charlotte pled a headache from the stifling heat of the crush and promised to call upon Kitty in the upcoming week.
She spied her sister coming toward her and waved. Judith ambled over, and not for the first time Kitty admired Judith’s peach ball gown with its modest neckline trimmed with delicate and elegant lace. Her blond hair was caught in an array of charming ringlets, and the entwined ribbons did not lend the air of maturity for which she had hoped. While Kitty was in Scotland, their mother, with encouragement from Lady Darling, had allowed Judith to be out, in the hope of improving her matrimonial appeal with the eligible beaux. And tonight Judith appeared just as she was—a young, innocent debutante not yet jaded by dashed expectations and a treacherous heart.
“Oh, isn’t the ball simply wonderful! I’ve had so many dances, my feet are sore,” Judith said with a rueful yet mischievous smile.
“I daresay it is fun,” Kitty obligingly replied.
“It is more than that!” Judith cried dramatically, her brown eyes kindling with indignation. “You and Anna never told me balls and soirees were just so splendid.” She looked about her with bright-eyed appreciation. “I was asked by my new friend Lady Jane if we are to attend Lady Beadle’s masquerade party next week. Jane said it promises to be the most convivial of the season. Wouldn’t it be infamous of us not to attend? Oh, please convince Mamma we must go, Kitty!”
“I shall speak with Mamma and Anna,” Kitty promised with a light laugh.
“Capital! I shall inform Jane there is a chance I might attend!” her sister cried, delighted, hurrying back to her friend.
The rest of the ball passed in an uninspiring blur for Kitty. She tried her best to smile and laugh when appropriate, but there was a fog clouding every moment of each encounter. Kitty felt breathless with shock to realize it was an awareness that she was inexplicably lonely.
It cleaved at her daily, loneliness, as intense and frustrating as it was unexplainable. Yet she had been for some time, even before she met the duke, and had buried the unwanted frustration behind duty, filling that empty space with a sense of purpose and responsibility for her sisters and mamma.
She did not want to bear it anymore. And so something must be done.
Kitty felt such sorrow to realize Alexander had felt this aching emptiness for years. He had been lost in loneliness, doubt, and a loss of hope long before she knew him. She recalled the bleakness in his eyes as he had stared at her, no doubt feeling the icy loss of more freedom if he should never walk again.
Do you think me so shallow I can love you only if you are perfect?
Yet that assessment of his character felt wrong. Was he afraid she would be unable to share that hollowness that he said was unending? Her conviction fought with the burning memory of his dismissal.
You bore me, Miss Danvers.
His tone had been flat, but his eyes had been wild and bright with pain…and fear…and perhaps, just perhaps, there had been love.
Oh, what am I to do?
Chapter Twenty-Two
Dressed in a lime-green day gown, Kitty glided down a curving flight of steps to the main floor. Her friends were all gathered in the drawing room, after insisting on having this month’s intrepid meeting at her town house, simply because she had never hosted the Sinful Wallflowers before. Her previous humble abode’s location had not been ideal. And Kitty was glad for today’s meeting, for she needed their advice and comforting presence.
She entered the drawing room, and lightness entered her heart to see the heads of Ophelia, Maryann, and Fanny bent together as they giggled over pictures in some book.