She decided to change the subject before she became angry at his attitude toward Sissy. Willa traced a paper on his desk. “You have several appointments today.”
“I schedule couples’ counseling on Wednesdays. In the morning, I spend my time with couples about to be married. In the afternoon, with those already married.”
“Why haven’t we done that?” Willa asked with interest.
“Because it would be hard to counsel myself,” Lucky replied with a grin.
Once the idea took hold, Willa didn’t want to give it up. “What kinds of things do you counsel the ones getting married on?”
Lucky leaned back in his leather chair, rocking it back and forth casually with his hands laced together across his flat stomach. Willa swallowed hard. Lucky made her want to touch him, yet she couldn’t work up the courage to.
“I discuss their expectations of each other, their finances, if they want a Christian marriage.”
“We could get counseling from the pastor in Jamestown. He’s very nice.”
“Yes, he is. I’ve met him several times. I’m more than willing if that’s really what you want. I’ll call and make an appointment.”
Willa smiled happily until Lucky’s next words had her rethinking bringing in a third party to discuss their relationship.
“I’m surprised. I thought you would balk at talking with someone. You usually try to avoid personal topics…”
Lucky had the phone in his hand, but Willa put her hand over his.
“Personal topics?” she questioned.
“Yes. He will talk briefly about sex and—”
“Maybe we should wait.”
“We’re getting married in two weeks,” Lucky reminded her.
“I know that,” she snapped. “Now that I think of it, I really don’t have the time. I have several orders scheduled, and Beth and Lily still haven’t picked their bridesmaids dresses. It was just a thought, anyway.”
“Sit down, Willa.” When Lucky motioned her over to the chair by the window, she crossed the room and gingerly sat down. “Perhaps it would be better if we just have an open discussion between us. Will that make you feel more comfortable?”
Willa gave a relieved sigh. “Yes.”
“All right.” Lucky sat down in the chair across from her, and Willa looked at him expectantly. “What do you envision for our marriage?”
Willa took a second to think, dreams filling her head of the years ahead. “I see us living a happy, fulfilled life with you as pastor and me helping you however I can. Maybe have … I don’t know, two children?” She looked at him from underneath her lashes. She really wanted four, but she didn’t want to scare him away before she could get a ring on his finger.
Lucky frowned. “Two?”
“One?” Willa bit her lip. How was she going to talk him into four if he only wanted one? Fear that he didn’t want any had her wanting to change the subject. “We can talk about that later. What’s next?”
“We should discuss this now. Children are an important part of a marriage.”
“Can we talk about them later?” Willa twisted her hands together nervously.
His gaze dropped to her lap. “Okay. Then we should talk about finances. What is your credit rating?”
“I’m not sure.”
His frown deepened. “You’re not sure? You’ve been looking at properties to expand your business, so you should be familiar with your credit score.”
“I figured I would check on it when I found a place.”
Lucky ran his hand through his hair. “I could look over your finances—”
“That’s not necessary. I have an accountant.”
“Who?” Lucky asked in a way that made Willa think he believed she wasn’t the best judge of character.
“Dustin Porter.”
Lucky looked horror-stricken. “You let Dustin manage your books? He’s a kid.”
“He’s my age.” That choice of words didn’t seem to make him any happier.
“He doesn’t even have a high school diploma.” Lucky’s voice had risen to the extent that Willa was becoming angry.
“Yes, he does. He earned it over the internet like he did his accounting degree.”
“What was the college? DegreeMart?” Lucky snapped.
“No … Why are you becoming so angry?”
Lucky took a deep breath. “I’m not angry. We’ll come back to that question later.”
“I think that would be a good idea.”
His eyes narrowed at her self-righteous expression.
“What are your expectations of me as your husband?”
Willa gave him a reassuring smile. This one was easy. “I expect you to be faithful, make me happy, and to be a good provider, and faithful.” Willa stressed the last one.
“You mentioned the last one twice.”
“I did?”
“Yes.”
“It’s important to me.”
“I can see that. Can I ask you a question?”
“Go ahead,” Willa said apprehensively.
“Do you believe that I love you?”
Willa didn’t immediately answer.
“Willa?”
“I believe that you love me.”
“If you really believe that, then you will trust that I will be faithful.”
Willa’s hands began to twist tighter. “It’s not that I don’t believe you love me. I do, but…”
“What?”
“What if I don’t make you happy? There’s a difference between us—”
“Thank God for that.”
Willa didn’t take that as a compliment. “I meant you’re more experienced than I am. You’ve been with several”—she looked at him askance, but the man was smart enough to remain quiet—“while I haven’t been with anyone. I will only have you, while you’ll be able to compare me to...” Willa cleared her throat. “Do you have a number?”
“No, I don’t have a number. I didn’t keep track.”
She frowned, unsure if that was a good or a bad thing. “Are your fingers crossed?”
Lucky raised his hands, wiggling his fingers. “When you’re in my bed, I can promise I won’t be comparing you to anyone,” he said gently.
“But how can you help it? I compare cupcakes. I compared vans before I bought one…” Her voice trailed off. “What if I’m not any good? What if you don’t enjoy sex with me?”
Lucky was staring at her indulgently while she expressed her fears. Willa had seen the women he had slept with, though. They were freaking gorgeous.
“What if I don’t enjoy sex with you?”
Lucky’s smile slipped.
“Maybe all those women didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” Willa smiled smugly, seeing he hadn’t liked that sentence.
“There’s one way to find out.”
“That’s o—”
“I could fuck you, and you could give me your opinion.”
Lucky hid his smile at Willa’s shocked expression. He had been courting Willa, trying to be respectful of her upbringing in the church and her beliefs. He wanted her to have a courtship she would look back on without regrets or guilt. However, he had failed to take into consideration her lack of self-confidence. As a result, he might have gone too far and given her the misguided belief that he wasn’t attracted to her or didn’t feel the same desire for her that he had for other women. Truthfully, he didn’t; what he felt for her was so much more.
He had never been more conscious of his body’s needs and wants as when he was with Willa. He had even been reduced to mentally quoting scripture when he was tempted to lean her backward on the couch and make love to her instead of watching television. Other times, he had wanted to pin her against the door as he was about to leave and fuck her until she would remember what it felt like to have him in her until he returned.
There wasn’t a day that he didn’t want to return to The Last Riders, yet all