A second later, I felt the intense sting of the needle working into my skin. I inhaled deeply and didn’t move. It definitely did hurt, but it also felt good. It felt transformative.
I was choosing this. No one was doing anything to me. This was my decision. My choice. My pain to own.
My scars would be there forever. I knew that. But so would my tattoo. My wildflowers, growing wild and free in the hard soil of former pain. I would take the bad things that happened to me and turn them into something good.
I was doing it now. It was just a symbol, yes. But it meant something.
My eyes were full of happy tears when I opened them.
“Are you okay? Is it too much?” Shane pushed away from the wall to stare at me. I felt the needle pause above my skin.
“No. I’m good. I’m really, really good.”
Shane leaned back on the wall, still frowning. Callaway lowered the needle again, working the black outline to the design. It wasn’t a small design either. It covered the scar below my ribs but also spread up my side and down to trail over my hip. It wasn’t particularly wide, but Callaway had warned me that the sides were more sensitive than other body parts.
I closed my eyes, zoning out to the classic rock radio station that was playing. The music reminded me of road trips we’d taken when I was a little girl, back when my father was in the picture. I could almost smell the hot dogs and sunshine.
“We can stop here, or I can try and start in on the coloring. It’s up to you.”
“Keep going,” I said with a soft smile on my face. I could feel Shane pacing. “I want to finish it today, if we can.”
“You have a high pain threshold,” Callaway commented. I heard Shane curse. I looked at him. He hadn’t liked that.
“It’s okay, Shane. I’m okay.”
He nodded, but he looked worried. I closed my eyes again. The color ink felt a little different. Not the ink itself, but the weight of the needle. Callaway moved around a lot more, not pressing as hard. Sometimes, the needle was so light it almost tickled. But some of the larger flowers required him going over the same parts again and again.
I’m not gonna lie, those parts hurt a lot.
“You’re hurting her.”
Callaway lifted the gun and twisted to look at my face.
“You okay, Parker?”
“I’m fine,” I said with exasperation. “Shane, if you thinks this hurts, you should try getting stabbed.”
He stared at me. I stared at him. I was certain I had gone too far. He shook his head like he was awestruck. Then Callaway started to laugh. So did I.
“How can you joke about this, woman?”
“Because if I don’t laugh, I’ll cry.”
He nodded and gave me a crooked smile.
“Goddamn, woman. You are the bravest person I know.”
Callaway got back to work.
“Yeah, you are pretty damn brave. You have a rep as a badass with the women, even down here. Molly wants to meet you.”
“That would be really nice.”
I closed my eyes and smiled as he worked for another half an hour. Then just like that, he was wiping off my skin and saying, “You’re done.” He sprayed something on and grabbed a mirror, holding it up so I could see.
My jaw dropped at what I saw.
“It’s . . . beautiful!”
“I think it’s some of my best work. I’d love to photograph it when it heals.”
Shane growled.
“Just her side. I promise.”
“Okay,” I said shyly. I glanced at Shane. “It’s okay. I want people to see it.”
“Nobody is looking at your body, woman! I’m putting my foot down!”
“If I were wearing a bikini at the beach, people would see it! What’s the difference?”
“If you were on the beach, I would cover you up with something! A blanket!”
I moaned at his bull-headed stupidity. I had a feeling he was being honest though. If we ever went to the beach, he’d follow me around with a towel and try to shield my body from everyone.
That didn’t really sound relaxing to me.
“I guess we’ll talk about this,” I said with a sigh.
“Fair enough,” Callaway said. “It’s your skin.”
“Thanks, Callaway.”
He handed me a little blue tube of something called Arnica. It made a funny sound like a rattle when I held it up to look at it.
“Those are homeopathic pellets. They are super gentle. My lady got me into it. You just let them dissolve under your tongue. Great for minor pain and inflammation.” He grinned at me. “You can even take it if you’re pregnant.”
“Thank you,” I said, accepting the pellets.
“I’m going to bandage it, but you should be good to shower by tomorrow. Just keep it clean and covered for a few days.”
I sat up once the bandage was on and smiled at him.