He had hastily slipped his arm around her waist and lifted her to sit up so she could breathe more easily. He’d been afraid to touch her after that. He had no right to, not ever again. Highlanders were great warriors, never fearing to fight, but he hadn’t been prepared for the savagery that he’d had to embrace when with the mercenaries. He had feared becoming a savage himself and if he had had any doubt last night proved that he had become one.
Never again would he sleep beside his wife and he doubted she would disagree, since when he left the room she hadn’t stopped him. He had grabbed his garments and boots on his way out and was glad he had. He wasn’t prepared to face his wife just yet and he wondered if she felt the same.
Quick strides took him to the kitchen where he found Bethany starting to prepare the morning meal before her helpers arrived, a habit of hers since as long as he could remember. Her raised brow told him she was surprised to see him and he understood why. He rarely came to the kitchen since his return home.
“What’s wrong?” she asked like a mum worried for her son.
He was going to remind her of her place, speaking to him so bluntly, but she truly was family and she had made sure to take care of the Clan MacKinnon in his absence.
“I’m not the man I once was,” he said.
“None of us are who we were once. The attack and the passing years changed us, changed everything. We can’t go back. We can only go forward,” she said and handed him a slice of fresh baked bread. “There is one thing that hasn’t changed, though, and never will. Our love for our clan, our family, and one another. It is what holds us together, what drives us to survive. You and Oria are a shining example of that love and the clan will rejoice and fill with promise for the future when the time comes for you and Oria to announce she is with child. It proves the Clan MacKinnon was not defeated. It lives on.”
Royden ate the bread without thinking as he had done when captive. Food had been provided, but there had been occasions when it had been scarce and he had learned after that to eat when he could.
“The clan knows they now have a chieftain, much like his da, who they can count on,” Bethany said.
Duty. He had a duty to his clan. He had had a duty to survive. He had had a duty to return home, but he didn’t have a duty to love Oria. That was something he had chosen himself and she had chosen it as well. He did, however, have a duty to protect her and keep her safe. And after last night that meant keeping her safe from him.
“You were a good, honorable man before this happened and you’re still a good, honorable man,” Bethany said, tears glistening in her eyes.
Royden left the kitchen grateful for her words, but knowing they were far from the truth.
Oria hadn’t slept since she woke with her husband’s hand at her throat, squeezing until she barely could breathe. She understood it had been a nightmare that had driven him to do it. Still, it had been a frightening experience. From the profound shock and horror on his face, she knew he would never permit her to sleep beside him again. While the thought of his nightmare returning and it happening again frightened her, the thought of never sleeping by her husband’s side frightened her even more.
She feared no amount of reasoning with him would work. The problem was he needed her and she needed him. They desperately needed each other.
She didn’t bother to rush out of bed and find him. She was well aware that he would avoid her. She turned and moved over to his side, taking in his scent, a fresh scent since he had washed last night.
Oria was unable to resist hugging his pillow as she held it tight against her. It had her recalling how she had loved when he would hug her close and she would bury her face against his shirt and relish his scent, a mixture of earth, forest, and sweat blending into an intoxicating scent that was his and his alone.
Comforted by the familiar scent and memory, her eyes closed and she fell into a much needed sleep.
Royden met with Penn before he left to take the message to Fergus that he wanted to see him—today—to make sure he did as instructed. Then he went to see that chores were being seen to, not that it was necessary since everyone was eager to pitch in and do their share. It provided Royden with the time to talk with clan members, hear what they had to say and determine what he could do to improve things.