She spoke as if she needed an explanation herself. “A recurring dream, I thought I was at Learmonth and you came for me. I forgot I was here.”
So she had dreamt of him as he had of her and she had hoped that he would return to her. But what had she expected him to do when she’d been wed to another?
He let that question go unspoken and instead asked, “What are you doing down here? You have a warm bedchamber.”
“I couldn’t sleep. And you?”
“I couldn’t sleep either,” he said and moved to sit beside her against the stone hearth.
A sadness gripped her chest. She had loved the man beside her for as long as she could remember. That hadn’t changed one bit. Why then did they act like strangers?
She got the courage to ask, “Did you think of me through the years?”
“I never stopped. You were on my mind endlessly,” he admitted.
She asked without thinking or hesitation, “Do you still love me?”
He turned his head to look at her when what he really wanted to do was to take her in his arms and kiss her senseless. “I never stopped loving you, Oria. I never will.”
“Then why this struggle between us?” she asked, joyful that he still loved her and yet worried of what stopped them from loving once again.
“I told you. I’m not the same man I once was,” he said.
“What does that matter?”
“That man you loved since you were young is gone. A different man has returned to you.”
Oria looked him up and down. “He looks the same to me, though a bit larger.”
“If only that was all,” he said. “You can’t tell me you don’t see a change in me.”
“You’re temperamental where you weren’t before.”
He grunted, his way of agreeing but not wanting to admit it.
“You dictate, though thinking on it that isn’t new.”
He sat forward and glared at her. “I never commanded you.”
She patted his thigh. “You did, but I never realized it since you were always cordial about it. It took being wed to Burnell for me to see it. Now, however, you dictate like a demanding chieftain.”
“What else did you learn being married to Burnell?” he asked, trying to keep the demand out of his tone.
“That friendship worked best when there was no love between a husband and wife.” She poked him in the arm. “And what did you learn that turned you into a grumpy old man?”
“I’m not old,” he argued.
She laughed softly. “So you admit to being grumpy.”
“I suppose I can be at times,” he admitted with reluctance.
She rested her hand on his arm. “That’s one thing I have always loved about you—your truthfulness. And I’m glad to see that hasn’t changed.”
“So much else has,” he said, not looking at her and trying to ignore how good her hand felt simply resting on his arm. Something he had once taken for granted far too much.
“You’re being too harsh on yourself, Royden.”
“No, I’ve done things I should have never done.”
“You did them to survive. We all did what was necessary to survive,” she said.
“And in doing so we altered our lives forever.”
“Then we start anew,” she said tired of this distance between them.
“And what if you don’t like the new me?”
“Then I’ll have to learn to live with and love a grumpy old man,” she said with a laugh.
“That shouldn’t be difficult for you to do since you already had an old man for a husband,” he said as if challenging her.
She laughed again. “All the better. I have the experience to deal with you.”
He leaned his face down close to hers. “You have no idea who you’re dealing with.”
She moved her face closer to his. “But I do. You’re the man who stole my heart all those years ago and no matter what—I’m not taking it back.”
“I’m not a nice man anymore,” he warned.
“You always had a wild side. You merely kept it tamed.” She gasped when she suddenly found herself in his lap and his arm around her.
“You can’t tame what’s inside me,” he warned.
She rested her hand to his cheek. “No, I can’t. Only you can do that.”
His hand gripped the back of her neck and he delivered a crushing kiss to her lips.
He stole her breath and when he stopped she could barely breathe.
“Whether I’m welcomed or not, I’ve gotten used to taking what I want.”
“Do you want me, Royden?” she asked her insides stirring madly.
“Aye, wife, I want you. I’ve always wanted you, and I’ll take you when I’m ready. And it won’t be an old man you’ll feel inside you.” He moved her off his lap, leaving her to sit on the floor as he got up and walked away.
“Royden,” she called out.
He didn’t turn, he kept his back to her.
“I wouldn’t know how an old man feels inside me. Burnell never consummated our vows. I’m still a virgin.”