One minute, he’d been standing in his room ready to go, wearing a suit and everything. Might have even psyched himself up for a dance or two. Then he’d caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror on the way out. The next thing he knew, he was ordering a double whiskey, neat. One-Eyed Jack, no less, as if irony could be appreciated when he felt like he’d been run over by a semi truck. That suited man in the mirror wasn’t him. It would never be him. Despite what Colton believed, he couldn’t make a girl like Julie happy. She’d been right, back in the woods. He wasn’t capable of more. Thanks to his past, he had no example to go on, either. Knowing her, she would work double time trying to give them a fighting chance. Watching her spin her wheels would make him miserable when nothing she did would be effective anyway.
He would be her biggest failure.
As a child, he’d seen firsthand what a damaged man could do to a woman. He’d watched his mother fade into nothing with each passing day at the abusive hands of his father. Back then, he’d been too young to do anything about it. He had no choice but to do something about it now. To let go of this ridiculous idea that Julie belonged to him and walk away. Ensure she didn’t meet the same fate as his mother and leave her intact. Because God knew he was damaged—every scar on his body told that tale—while Julie went around doling out happiness to everyone she crossed paths with. If he dulled that part of her, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself. Damn it, why hadn’t he done this before he let himself consider the idea of keeping her? How could he bear it?
A perfectly manicured hand slapped down on the bar in front of him, rattling the cage he’d built around himself.
“Hey. Asshole.”
He looked up into the face of one truly pissed-off Regan. Good, he’d love a fight. Anything to take away this horrible dread he couldn’t shake. He turned in his stool and gave her an imposing look he usually reserved for his team. “Come again?”
Regan didn’t so much as blink. “Oh, I think you heard me.”
“No shit. I’m giving you a chance to rephrase.”
She looked disgusted with him. Join the club. “You know, I really misjudged you, Reed. And I don’t misjudge people. Ever.” A glance toward the door. “Although apparently it’s a week for firsts.”
“Is there a point to this?”
“There’s always a point when I’m talking.” She actually poked him in the chest. “That first night, I saw something in you I thought would be good for my friend. I trusted my gut and switched that room key. You really let me down. Worse, you let the most genuine woman either one of us knows down.”
Pain broke through the numbness. I let her down. Fuck, I let her down. “Then it looks like you both saw something that wasn’t there. I never promised her anything. Do I look like the white picket fence type to you?”
“No. You look like a coward.”
She looked a little surprised at her own outburst, but it didn’t compare to the blast of anger he felt hearing the truthfulness behind that word. The anger was directed solely at himself. How he’d chosen to handle the situation. Running to a bar just like his father would have done. What sense did that make when he’d pushed Julie away so he wouldn’t become his old man and ruin her? His actions had accomplished just that.
Regan wasn’t finished, though. Part of him wanted her to keep going. Jesus, he deserved it. “This has been a waste of my time,” she said. “Leaving her standing there all alone without a partner was the nail in your coffin. I’ll never forgive you for what I saw on her face today.”
The air left his lungs, a vicious pounding starting in his temples. He thought of his girl standing there watching everyone else dance, when she’d been the one to plan the whole damn thing, and he wanted to break something. Lots of somethings. Oh God, he’d been sitting here so mired in his own bullshit, he’d forgotten today was the anniversary of Serena’s death. “Where is she? Is she okay?”
“Oh no, the Regan help line is hanging up now. You’re on your own.”
The words hadn’t finished leaving Regan’s mouth before Reed jumped to his feet. He needed to find Julie. Needed to touch her, to fix what he’d broken. This overwhelming anguish he felt at the idea of her in pain told him something important. It told him beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would kill himself making sure she never felt that way again by his hand. No matter what it took. Setting aside his demons, opening up about his past…hell, even cuddling. If she gave him a chance, he wouldn’t screw it up. The alternative, living with the gaping emptiness he felt now, the emptiness she’d filled this week, wasn’t a possibility anymore.
Before he could haul ass to Julie’s room and demand to be let inside, he forced himself to slow down. He wasn’t about to raid an Atlanta drug den, he was convincing a woman to let him love her. Shouting at her through a door wouldn’t cut it. Not after how badly he’d failed.
How do you fix this, Reed? This time it counts.
Think.
…
An hour later, Reed took a slow, steadying breath and knocked on Julie’s door. His determined knock echoed the one in his chest. In his line of work, getting through doors was what he did best. This might be his hardest job yet, because once he got through this door, he had another one to get through. And no amount of brute force or commands would work on the second one. He listened for movement on the other side and heard none. Before he could panic, a shadow moved across the peephole, disappearing just as quickly. Relief at having her so close turned to desperation when the door stayed shut.
“Pixie, let me in.”
Her muffled sigh poured over him. “Please just leave. We’ve said everything that needed saying.”
The finality in her voice almost sent him to his knees. “I haven’t. Not by a damn sight. Open the door for me, baby.”
Something hit the door. Her head, he suspected. “I’m trying to make this easy for you.”
“Fuck easy.”
“We’re too different. This never would have worked.”
Reed laid his palms flat on the door, his pulse kicking up a notch. “Would have worked, Julie?” Hope flared. Hope that he might have a chance. “Did you…had you considered it? Us?”
For long moments, all he got was silence. “Yes. I thought about how it would be a disaster. I thought about how you would belittle the things that I consider important. Just like you’ve done since the wedding started. All those events you ridiculed and made a joke out of? I planned them. It’s what I do. It’s what I’ll always do, Reed. I make things pretty. And you hate pretty.”
“Jesus, pixie…please, stop.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t like hearing how I hurt you. That I…would hurt you. I don’t like it.”
To his utter shock, the door eased open. Julie stood framed by light, looking so fragile and beautiful he stopped breathing, afraid he might interrupt that beauty. There was more, though. She had fire in her eyes, as if she’d finally reached the end of her fraying rope. Damn it, he should have been there to catch her when it snapped. “Reed, if you came here to get me into bed, t-to prove some stupid point, you should know I’ve already taken out a potted plant today and I’m working my way up to something bigger. I—” Her gaze shot wide as it traveled down his body. “Why are you wearing a tuxedo?”
Jesus, he was sweating. At least he’d diverted her anger. “The bet we made. At the scavenger hunt.” He relaxed slightly when recognition dawned on her face, followed by confusion. “I told you I won, which was true.” His voice went husky, and he held out his hand. “I wouldn’t trade the prize that followed for anything. But I consider making you happy the bigger win, Julie. I wanted to…show you that.”
Julie stared at his outstretched hand for what seemed like an eternity. When she finally took it, cool, slim fingers slipped through his larger ones, locking them together. The stiffness in his shoulders relaxed just slightly. He wanted to pull her into his arms, but judging from her wary gaze, it would send her packing. It didn’t stop the urge from gripping h
im. She looked stressed out. His body knew how to relieve that stress. His nature demanded he distract her from her troubles the only way he knew how. But his brain, and yeah, his heart, told him it wouldn’t work this time.