She pulled the sheet over her breasts and stared back at him in apprehension.
His lips tightened, his jaw flexing as though he were holding back what he wanted to say, what he wanted to feel.
“So, you’re just going to walk away?”
“That’s what a third does, Keiley. They leave. ”
“You aren’t a third,” she said painfully. “You know you’re not a third. You’re a part of us. You made yourself a part of me, let me think you would stay, and now you think you can just walk out and everything will be fine?”
“It will be. You have Mac—”
“You fucking coward. ” She didn’t raise her voice. It wasn’t an accusation. It was a statement.
His gaze snapped back to her, the blue of his eyes glittering in anger.
“What the hell did you say?”
“I called you a coward, Jethro,” she repeated ruthlessly. “You’re too scared to stay here and be a part of me. This has nothing to do with who my husband is or feeling like a third. It has to do with your fears. ”
“Bullshit. ”
“Bull yes!” Flinging the sheet away from her body, she blinked back her tears and jumped from the bed. “Fine. Run away. Go play the badass agent and remember what you can’t ever have again if you walk out on me. Because I’ll be damned if I’ll give you another chance at my heart. ”
“Mac likes ménages, Keiley. ” He caught her at the bathroom door, dragging her around to face him as he pressed her against the wall. “There’ll be another third, and when he’s gone another—”
Her hand swung out, connecting soundly with his cheek as he stared back at her in surprise.
“Shut up!” she yelled furiously, tears filling her eyes. “Mac doesn’t just like ménages, you asshole. Do you think he would ever share me with just anyone? Do you think I would let him?”
“Sharing isn’t love. ”
“Neither is cowardice,” she snapped. “You’re terrified to make that commitment, aren’t you, Jethro? That’s why you’ve always let Mac find the woman and you’ve stayed on the sidelines. That way you don’t have the responsibility. ”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he snarled.
“The boy who was rejected, thrown out, and shoved through a cold unfeeling system” she whispered. “You were orphaned and so wild, so full of adventure that you were shuffled from one uncaring foster parent to the next, weren’t you, Jethro. ”
He stared back at her bleakly.
“You would care, and then they would turn you away. Until you stopped caring. Until you started walking away first. ”
“That has nothing to do with this. ”
“It has everything to do with it. ” Her lips trembled as a tear slipped past her control. “You’re punishing me and Mac because of the past. You love me. And in that incomprehensible male bonding mystery, you love Mac. We’re your family. We’re what you always wanted and couldn’t quite seem to grasp. You told me that. So you’re going to walk away. You’re going to reject us before we can reject you. God, Jethro, don’t you know Mac better than that by now? Don’t you know me better than that?”
Something inside her was breaking apart. She stared into his eyes, so filled with shadows and old pains, and ached for the boy without a home, the man without love.
“I love you. ” She tightened her lips and forced back the tears. “In time, I’ll love you with the same strength I love Mac. I’ll love you to the point that I’ll shatter if you leave me. So if you’re going to go, maybe it’s better that you go now. You can only break my heart now. Later, you could destroy my soul, and Mac’s. And I’d rather regret than to be left hurting like that. ”
His nostrils flared as his jaw tightened to the breaking point.
“And when you’re tired of sharing your bed with two men rather than one? When you find out I’m harder than Mac? That I’m not some fucking knight in shining armor who never gives you a grouchy word or a hard time?”
“You think Mac is perfect?” she bit out incredulously. “Do you think he’s joking about the baseball bat? Or about sleeping on the couch? Do you think we never fight, Jethro? That you and I will never fight? That’s a part of love. Just because you disagree doesn’t mean you don’t love. Or that you don’t hurt. ” She reached out and touched his cheek with shaking fingers, then his lips. “You both have your prick sides, it’s a part of who you are. And I can be a bitch, but that doesn’t mean we can’t love. ”
His hand caught hers, pressing her palm to his roughened cheek, turning his lips into it as he seared the flesh with his kiss.
“You terrify me,” he grated out. “You always have. ”