He had wanted to please her. Had wanted to show her all the pleasures he knew could await her. Hell, he had thought he had loved her. He had swiftly learned the difference between a woman of experience and one too innocent to call a halt to what she saw as nothing more than a game to secure his heart.
He had shared her. He had touched her, glorying in her cries of pleasure, her pleas for more, whispering his praise, drawing her to him as her orgasms shuddered through her body. And he had thought nothing else could be as good. That he couldn’t love any woman as much as he loved Melissa. Until he walked into his apartment the next day to find her lifeless body, her accusation written on a single sheet of paper beside her.
It hadn’t mattered that she had a history of psychiatric problems, or that he had been unaware of them. Even her father’s forgiveness and his tearful explanations of his daughter’s weaknesses hadn’t stemmed the guilt. She had died because she couldn’t handle what he had asked of her. Because she had wanted his love so desperately that she would do something that she couldn’t live with in the cold light of day.
And he had sworn it would never happen again.
Innocence would never suffer at his hands again.
And here was Courtney. So damned innocent he couldn’t believe she wasn’t a virgin. So daring, wickedly so, yet as soft and new as dawn. She was as different as day from night to Melissa. Yet, she served as a cold reminder to the mistakes of the past.
* * * * *
One would think, that with the extremely explosive orgasm the night before, and the fact that she had finally managed to push Ian that final step into a physical relationship, that she would feel some sort of satisfaction.
She felt only remorse.
Courtney sat silently in the bleak, winter-shrouded garden, perched on the top of the cement table that a summer growth of greenery would have hidden from view. Now, it sat like a lonely sentinel in a garden that was presently sleeping the short, dreary cold days away.
Her feet were propped on the curved bench below it, one arm lying across her knees as she propped the elbow of the other on her leg and braced her chin within it to stare across the silent gardens into the pine forest beyond.
The thick cashmere sweater she wore and snug jeans protected her from the outside cold, but it was the chilly foreboding within her that caused her to shiver.
She had been such a child, thinking herself grown up enough to seduce a man such as Ian. Believing she could walk in, and one step at a time, find something he wanted no woman to touch. Believing that she could somehow touch his heart as easily as she could touch his body.
Not that she had expected it to be easy. She hadn’t.
And it wasn’t as though her heart had given up on Ian. That was impossible.
She was young, true. But she knew her heart, just as she knew that her body responded to no one as it did to him. Which left her between a rock and a hard place, so to speak.
Ian would keep the relationship purely physical now. He would use her own inexperience against her, just as he had the night before, to keep his control. It wasn’t possible to wage this battle on an equal footing.
She breathed out wearily, shaking her head at the mess she had found herself in. She should have anticipated this. Her mother had warned her that Ian would not be as easy to conquer as she had convinced herself he would be.
“Ms. Mattlaw, you have a call…” the house butler, Jason, spoke behind her, interrupting her morose thoughts as she turned to him.
He extended the cordless phone to her, nodding coolly before turning and retreating.
“Hello?” She frowned as she raised the receiver to her ear.
“Courtney, it’s Tally Conover. ” The smooth cultured voice spoke with lazy amusement. “We didn’t get to talk much during your introduction party. I’m Lucian and Devril’s wife. ”
“I remember you. Ian was quite insistent on pulling me away from your group. ” Courtney smiled at the memory of Ian’s harassed expression.
“I heard you still had quite a bit of shopping to complete,” the other woman drawled. “I’m at loose ends today and thought I would invite you to join me as I hit the stores. With the parties coming up in the next few months, I find myself in need of new shoes, and perhaps a dress or two. ”
And a bit of gossip to finish out the trip, Courtney read between the lines quite well.
“Sounds good. Where should I meet you?”
Tally chuckled knowingly. “Jason will inform Ian I called you, so I may as well pick you up myself. How about around eleven? We could stop for lunch, and then begin shopping in earnest. We might even extend the trip to dinner if you like. We could invite Terrie Wyman and a few others and have a real girls’ night out. ”
“Why do I get the feeling I should bring the barbeque sauce,” Courtney responded with an edge of self-mockery.
“No darling, they baste you in your own juices at a roast. I promise, you’ll survive the outing,” Tally assured her, her laughter filled with friendly mockery. “So, are we on?”
“Of course,” Courtney responded, as though there had been no doubt. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. ”