I wince at the bitterness in her tone.
“Anyway,” she continues, “I think you’re in a good spot with him. It’ll work out if it’s supposed to.”
“Yeah.”
She sighs. “Listen—unless you’re fucking like rabbits and not doing anything else together, he must like something about you, or he would’ve asked you to leave.”
“I … Well, we’ve only slept together once since I started staying here. While that feels like a travesty, maybe it’s a good thing.”
“Oh, wow.”
“I don’t know what that wow means, exactly,” I say, wincing.
She laughs. “It’s a good thing. It means that he’s not just using you for a booty call.”
“If he is, he doesn’t need a lot of booty.”
She laughs harder. “Now that would be a travesty. If you can hook up with a man like that, he better want all the sex. Otherwise, it would almost be rude.”
I shake my head and grin. “You’re right. But you know what? I like him more because he doesn’t want all the sex despite going to bed every night completely frustrated sexually.”
“I can’t even begin to imagine.”
“But that’s why I’m in this predicament,” I say. “I can walk away from sexual encounters like nothing. There are no strings, no attachments. If they cop an attitude the next day or never want to see me again—what do I care? They’ve served their purpose. But with Holt …”
Sienna sighs softly. “You like him, don’t you? As in, really like him?”
My heart thunders in my chest.
I know the answer to this question. There are many things I like about Holt. The fact that I’m still here, at his house, was my first clue. I couldn’t stand most men this long.
But if I admit it out loud, would it change things? Would I look at him and think about confessing it to Sienna? Would he notice something different and back away?
“I just …” I clear my throat. “He’s pretty great.”
“I’ll say it for you. Yes, Sienna. I like Holt.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re such a brat.”
She giggles.
“Look,” I say, moving around in my seat again, “I don’t know what he’s thinking. We had an interesting night last night. We talked. We talked about a lot of really personal things, and I think it’s warped my brain a little bit. I’ll get it all situated inside my head today, and everything will be fine.”
“You don’t have to rationalize yourself out of this, Blaire. It’s okay to like him.”
“I know. It’s just not … feasible. And I think he thinks the same thing. I mean …”
I think back to the things he said about Kendra. And how his work always comes first and he doesn’t have room in his life for a relationship.
“Why did you ask me to stay?”
“Honestly? I don’t know,” he says. “You’re strong. You hold your own. You’re gorgeous and intelligent, and I enjoy talking to you. And it probably didn’t hurt that you live a thousand miles away.”
Yet here I am, like a stupid girl, pining for him in my own quiet way.
So foolish.
“I need to go, Sienna,” I say quickly.
She must read my tone because she sighs. “I’m here if you need me.”
“I know.”
“I’m going to say it once more—I’m here if you need me. You can call me at any time. You can text me. Or email. Or send a smoke signal, but I don’t really know how to read those.”
I grin. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”
“It’s what friends do.” She pauses to see if I’ll respond, but I don’t. “Bye, Blaire.”
“Goodbye.”
I hold the phone in my hand and look at the water. It ripples back and forth with a levity that I wish I could absorb.
“Don’t get yourself all messed up,” I whisper. “You’re a grown woman. You’re capable of enjoying this week and going home and resuming your life in Chicago. You are in control.”
Saying it aloud helps.
I turn to pick up my computer to go inside when my phone buzzes in my hand. I look down.
Holt: Want to do something fun tonight?
Holt’s words are printed across the screen.
My heartbeat quickens as I type out a response.
Me: Depends on how you define fun.
Holt: I might have tickets to the Kelvin McCoy concert.
I gasp.
Me: You do not.
Holt: I might.
Me: I might be jealous!
Holt: I won’t be out of the office in time to see the opening acts. But if you want to see the headliner, I’d love to take you.
Me: Are you sure?
Holt: Yes or no, Blaire.
Me: YES
I dance around the chair in a very un-me-like move. I’ve never been to a concert before, and if there is one band I’d like to see, it’s Kelvin McCoy.
Holt: Great. I will pick you up around eight. If you want to see the openers, my cousin Larissa would be happy to let you go with her and I could meet you at the stadium later.