“Uh, I’m taking a break from my studying. Breaks are important. It keeps your mind sharp and rested.”
Kelly’s head fell back just... astonished at me. “What on earth are you studying? You graduated high school a month ago. And frankly I thought you’d have enough on your plate. Unless your researching practical parenting tips.”
“Huh. Personal studies. To grow myself as a person,” I snapped back. I don’t know why I wanted to take every opportunity to push away the people who were closest to me.
“Yeah, right?” She sat down uninvited in the chair right next to mine, letting me know that she wasn’t buying any of my nonsense and I wasn’t going to be getting rid of her easily. “The only thing you ought to be studying right now are books on prenatal care and maybe some early research in baby names.”
Right, she saw right through me when I accidentally stumbled through my words.
“Listen, girl, I know it’s tough right now. You’re scared of things and the future and...”
“I don’t know if it has anything to do with the baby,” I interjected. “Sure, that’s making me plenty anxious, and that’s just like, natural and stuff.”
Really, I’d been such a mess of nerves I didn’t even take the baby into account of it all. People didn’t think much of the town slut, but when she fell pregnant on top of it? It meant she was clueless and reckless and was probably carrying a bunch of other things on top of a child. She deserved everything.
All while praising the town’s stud and not questioning his reckless parentage or the impact his lifestyle may have on his health.
Being a woman sucked.
“You’re not worried about the baby?” Kelly said, now thinking aloud with me. “What, with you not being sure who the father is and with four dudes going after you? Don’t you think that’s going to cause a caveman fight over all this? Some demands for a paternity test? An appearance on the Maury Povich show?”
I didn’t even start to consider all of that. “If you’re trying to put my mind at ease, Kelly, you’re failing horribly.”
“Oh. Sorry. I just thought about the other things you should be worried about.”
“Going to throw on existential dread? My mortality? Maybe I should focus on worrying about life, the universe, and everything?”
“Sorry, sorry, I really am trying to help. I swear I did not just hunt you down to make you more anxious. I totally hunted you down because I am worried about you as a friend, and think you need a friend right now more than anything.”
She was right about that. I smiled. I didn’t know if she could solve any of my problems, but her presence was something I could count on. Some form of support, even if I questioned the rest. Even if I would become known as the town slut with every negative thing said about me, Kelly would be by my side, ready to say it wasn’t such a bad thing.
“So... uh... why not just, like... choose one of them? Like the twins. Then you could fuck one as your soulmate and maybe the other on the side during holidays. You said one of them is likely the father anyway, right?”
I grunted in a not very ladylike way in response. She had a rough point there, I guessed, but it wasn’t always that simple. What if I chose wrong? They were twins, but they were still their own human beings.
What if I somehow got actual proof of the father’s identity, and I was wrong? DNA-wise, they were the same, but there had to be something to differentiate them. Like, I don’t know, Sam crotched himself on the monkey bars as a kid, and it struck him sterile, so Ryan had to be the father? What if I found that out after I had chosen Sam and snubbed Ryan?
I buried my head in my hands.
It hurt, just running off with hypotheticals and worrying about what might happen if I took the wrong turn somewhere. Like I had so many choices ahead of me, and all but one would be setting everything I worked for ablaze, making my dreams and chances at happiness lost to me forever.
“Helpless,” I finally said. “That’s what I feel. Helpless. I’m stuck making a decision that feels so heavy, so burdensome to make, that I can’t accurately decide which way to go with it. It feels like I should be having help in making this; guidance, actual advice, and anything else.”
“You do, though.” She threw her hand on my back and massaged me, an effort to try to comfort me through it all. “The boys have made their feelings clear. You choose who you want. Any of them. Or all of them.”
“That’s not a valid choice, Kelly. I’m not that naïve. Not everything is going to work out perfectly for me.”