“She told me I took her breath away and she wouldn’t forgive herself if she didn’t at least make introductions. She also mentioned she very much admired my blood,” he added as an afterthought.
Yep. I was going to punch him. I could see the faintest shadow of a smile threatening to reveal Lucian’s dimple. The bastard was doing this on purpose, and it made me wonder how much of his supposed bumbling and awkwardness was actually just a well-hidden technique to tease and antagonize me.
“Cara said that?”
I knew I couldn’t deny anything Lucian was saying without casting more doubt on an already doubtful situation. I swallowed, then nodded my head vigorously when Zack looked my way. “Yes, but—”
“But,” Lucian said, cutting me off with his deep voice. “She said it had been far too long since she’d known the touch of a man. She wanted to feel alive again. Free,” he added in a mysterious whisper.
Zack’s eyes went unfocused. He backed up to the counter and idly picked up an apple that looked far too squishy to be edible and took a bite. “That’s, uh. Yeah. That’s pretty wild.”
“It was great for you two to meet,” I said, taking Lucian’s hand and tugging him toward the door. “We really have to go, though.”
“The other guys will want to meet him.”
“Later,” I said. “Gotta get to class though.”
Once we were outside, I punched Lucian in the shoulder. He smiled openly, letting out a deep, resonant chuckle.
“What was that?” I demanded.
“Enjoyable, by my estimation.”
“For who?”
“Whom. And I like seeing you worked up. You’re quite the woman, you know.”
I stood still, but Lucian kept walking with his obnoxious long strides. I had to half jog to catch up. “What kind of person were you before you got turned?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Because I need help understanding you.”
“It has been a very long time since I was turned. Nobody cares about the man I was anymore. Anyone who knew that man is long dead. Almost everyone,” he added with a twist of his lips.
“I care who you were.”
He stared ahead, not speaking for a while. “I don’t make a habit of talking about the time before I was turned.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s better to accept my fate. Dwelling on what I’ve lost only brings pain.”
I hadn’t considered that. “You didn’t want to be this way? A vampire, I mean.”
“Would you?”
“No,” I said, not hesitating. “Maybe. I don’t know.”
He looked down at me, eyes intense. “There’s a cost to this life I can’t put into words, Cara.” Lucian seemed to search inside himself for the right explanation, then simply shook his head. “I wouldn’t wish this on you. The loneliness.”
“What about other vampires?” I said. “You’re not completely alone. And couldn’t you fall in love with a vampire, or something? Vampires can have kids, right?”
“I think it would be better if you didn’t ask so many questions.”
I groaned. “I know you say knowing is dangerous for me. But don’t I already know enough to put myself in danger as it is? I don’t see why you can’t just help me understand exactly what is going on. Maybe I could help if I knew more.”
Lucian’s jaw flexed. He already looked strained from the minute or two we’d spent in the sunlight. He pulled out the sunglasses I’d got him and put them on, even though I doubted it helped much. “Because every minute we’re together, I’m putting you in danger. Every time I tell you more than you need to know, I’m putting you in danger. If the wrong vampire finds out the things I’ve told you, they will not show mercy. The more you know, the crueler they’ll be.”
He stopped in the shade of a tree and blew out a breath. “Cara, I’m going to make this as plain for you as I can. It doesn’t matter if I have feelings for you or not beyond the bond. There can never be anything more between us. I won’t turn you, and a mortal is a glaring target to my kind. It’s a weakness others will exploit to hurt me.”
“You could give me a gun.” I smiled, firing off a shot or two with my finger gun in his direction.
Lucian’s smile was sad. He lifted his hand and pushed my hair behind my ear softly. He appeared to realize what he was doing and jerked his hand back like he’d been petting a snake. He took another steadying breath. “We’re dangerous for each other, Cara Skies. The sooner we can part ways, the better.”
I chewed the inside of my cheek as we walked, searching for some argument. It wasn’t that I wanted to convince him to be my boyfriend or something. I just… I didn’t like the idea of an external force telling me who I could and couldn’t care about. I guess it ignited a stubborn part of me that wanted to chase after exactly who I supposedly couldn’t.