“I know we said no strings. I…I know this wasn’t supposed to go like this, but it wasn’t just the sex. Let me be clear about that.” So, so smooth. “Uh, yeah. No. It wasn’t just that. It’s everything. I’ve just felt weird since the first time I met you, and I know I said I want to stay single, and you want to stay single, but I just keep feeling like there’s something there. I know there’s something there. Chemistry or whatever. I don’t know what it’s called. God, I suck at this. At romance. At all of it. But I need you to know how I feel. I feel like taking a chance on this would be worth it. I feel like we’re good together, and I want more time. I don’t want to let you go tomorrow. I want to see you again. I know it makes me sound crazy and needy and everything, but I…I mean it.”
And my outpouring is met with some pretty heavy silence.
And more silence.
Still more.
“Are you going to say something?” I choke. “I’m sorry. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I just…it’s how I feel. I get it if you don’t want to. I…I just had to tell you, or I’d regret it. I couldn’t just let you walk away without seeing first if maybe you felt something too.”
“Felt something? Yeah.” Gabriel nods, but he doesn’t look happy. “I felt something.” He looks annoyed. This wasn’t exactly the reaction I was expecting. I’ll admit that in my mind, I’d convinced myself that he’d be for this. That he’d say he felt it too, and he’d give us a chance. Or that he’d at least want to hang out.
I know that just a few days ago, I had convinced myself that I wanted to be single for life, but I guess when I make up my mind about something, one way or the other, I guess I really make it up. Because now I’m convinced about the exact opposite. That I want this chance, I want Gabriel. It’s not just my brain telling me this. It’s the soft, sappy spot in my chest that I’ve tried very hard to tamp down these past few years. Apparently, it survived—big time.
“I…you did?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“But you don’t want to give it a chance? Because of what happened in the past? I get it. I’ve been cheated on. God, I’ve been used too. I’ve had such shitty experiences that it ruined me on giving it a try again. I thought it did. But then I met you, and now I know I’m not wrecked. I know this is a lot. I know I probably seem extra crazy, given that you’re here because I basically hired you to be my fake boyfriend, but—”
“But you want to try. You want to see where this could go because you feel the connection you were talking about.”
I nod slowly. “Yes. That’s…I…okay, you don’t look normal. I can tell you’re angry about it. I…if you don’t want to, I understand. I know I’m constantly changing my mind, and it must be seriously annoying.”
“And when did you first start feeling this way?”
“I…I don’t know. I guess from when we went for coffee? Or…I…maybe it was from the first word we spoke to each other. Maybe it was the car ride here, or that first day together, or that first night. Or today? I can’t just pick a time. I just, I just know.”
“That’s very convenient.”
“Excuse me?” This is so not going in the right direction. Gabriel is looking more and more pissed, but the tight, constipated look on his face is completely at odds with the actual words coming out of his mouth.
“Did you feel that way before or after you found out who I am?” He shifts slightly and produces my phone from the back pocket of his jeans. “I came downstairs, and you weren’t in the house. Your phone was on the table. I wasn’t trying to be weird and check up on you, but I thought maybe there was an emergency, and you’d run out. I thought if there really was an emergency, there’d be a call or a text that recently came in. I was worried. That was it. Instead, when I flicked open the screen, I found an article. About. Me.”
Shit. Fuck. No.
“I…I did find out. But so what? It did freak me out, and I called Dean because I needed to talk to someone. He was in on this plan with me, so I needed to tell him. It did scare me because I thought who the hell would agree to this plan if they have tons of money and don’t need anymore. I don’t know—I kind of panicked. I talked with Dean, dropped him off at his house, and came back here. He calmed me down. I guess I was really freaking out because I came downstairs to think. After…we…well, anyway. I came down to think about what I was feeling Because I wasn’t feeling normal. I didn’t feel like I wanted this to end. And then I looked you up. I don’t know why. Maybe because I wanted to creep you on social media. I don’t know. People look up people they’re into. That’s all it was. When I found out about who you were, which was the last thing I was expecting, yeah, I panicked. So I talked to Dean. I got it sorted out. Even he could tell that I was…argh…god. I don’t want to say falling for you because it sounds so stupid, but it’s true. I am. And it has nothing to do with that.” I point at my phone. My finger is shaking, but I keep it extended.