"Shit, dude. Im sorry. If you want my help kicking his playboy ass I got your back. "
At one point that would have been exactly what I wanted, but not now. Tripp was taking care of her. He was making sure she was safe. It was all I had. I shook my head. "No. Its okay. Hes keeping me updated. Hes making sure she has what she needs to be free. "
Grant frowned and leaned toward me. "Am I understanding you right? Your woman is off with Tripp and youre okay with this?"
"She loves me. "
Grant nodded. "Yeah, she does. "
"Shell be back. This hand isnt over. It cant be. I went all in. "
I didnt have to explain that to Grant. He got it. He smiled and leaned back with his drink in his hand. "You got this one, Ace. "
My phone rang and I pulled it out to see my mothers name on the screen. I stuck it back in my pocket. I wasnt talking to her. I was sure she was aware that the old board members had been released. She wouldnt be happy about that.
"Is Nan coming back?" I asked.
Grant held the glass to his lips a moment longer than necessary. He was stalling. I knew that move. When he finally set it down he turned his head toward me. "Yeah. Shes coming back. Im heading over to Rushs when I leave here to tell him. He needs to be prepared. "
"You ask her to come back?" I asked. Grants attraction to Nan made no sense to me. He had seen how evil she could be. He had seen her at her worst. How could he want that?
"Hell no. But shes coming. Kiro bought her a nice, big, fancy house. The light blue one that sits over the hill on the south end of the beach. "
Kiro was the lead singer of Slacker Demon and Nans father. "Damn. I like that house. Howd she get that out of him?"
"Hes trying to get rid of her. She hasnt been easy to deal with. She gives him hell every chance she gets and hes pretty desperate. "
"Cant say I blame him. " I would have done whatever I could to get away from her, too, if I was him. Nan was dangerous when she wanted to be.
"I feel bad for her, man. She knows he bought it for her to move her as far away from him as possible. She just wants his attention. "
"Hes the lead singer in the biggest, most legendary rock band of our time. He ignored her for most of her life. He isnt daddy material. "
Grant frowned and I could see he was dealing with something. "He has another daughter. He treats her differently. Hes affectionate with her. He loves her. Its obvious. But shes not like Nan. She doesnt demand things and shes quiet. I think thats what he wants. A meek, sweet daughter. Nan will never be that. "
"Another daughter? Really?" Id never heard of Kiro having a daughter.
"Yeah. She lives with him, too. She has what Nan wants and will never get. Because Nan cant be her. She cant be what Kiro wants. It sucks for her. Shes always just wanted attention. Both her parents denied her that. Rush is all she ever had and now he has Blaire and Nate. She lost him, too. I cant help but feel bad for her. " He took a drink and set it down, then stood up. "I get that no one understands why I have anything to do with her, and Ill be honest: at times, I dont know either. Shes all kinds of fucked up and mean. "
I nodded, because he was right about that.
Page 26
Della
"I shouldnt have got you. If it hadnt been for you crying and keeping me up all night I wouldnt have been needing a nap. I wouldnt have let my little boy go to that store. Its all your fault, Della. All your fault. He knows it, too. He wanted to stay with me but I was so sleepy. So very sleepy. You wouldnt let me sleep. " Mother roared and reared back and slapped me across the face. I stumbled backward and grabbed the edge of the bed before I fell down.
"If you had slept at night and let me be a good mommy to my little boy he would be alive. But you ruined everything. I didnt want another baby. Your father wanted a little girl. He said it would complete our family. You didnt complete us! You destroyed us!" I braced myself as Mother hit me again. I tried not to cry. I tried not to whimper. If I whimpered she would get angrier. I had to stay calm. I had to let her scream. She would cry soon and go to her room.
"Get on that bed and dont move. The monsters under it will get you. They will come get you for being such a bad girl. They know its all your fault. They know what you did to me. "
I never understood her when she blamed me for my brothers death---I was a baby when it happened---but I let her yell and hit me. If I fought back she only got angrier. Once she had hit me at breakfast and I didnt wake up until the middle of the night. I had been on the kitchen floor with a pillow under my head and a blanket over me. She had put two plates of food beside me.
I didnt fight back anymore. I was scared to.
"Get on that bed!" she screamed as I scrambled to do as she commanded. "Dont come out. I dont want to look at you," she said before walking away and slamming the door behind her. I heard the familiar click and I knew shed locked me in. My door had always locked from the outside. She controlled it.
"Good night, Momma," I whispered as I pulled my knees up to my chin and rocked myself back and forth while I pretended that I had a better life. One where I could go outside and ride a bike.
I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling fan. I was in the guest bedroom at Bradens house. I hadnt woken up screaming. I had never dreamed of my mother and not woken up screaming with imaginary blood on my hands. Something had changed. The memory was one Id forgotten but her words that day made sense now. I sat up and swung my legs over and stood up. I had dreamed and not screamed. I was afraid to hope, but I had never been able to do this. I opened my door and stepped out into the dark hallway. Braden would be asleep and I didnt want to wake her. But I needed to process this.
I walked to the kitchen to get a drink of water.
Braden was standing at the counter with a glass of milk, staring straight ahead in deep thought, when I walked into the room. Her eyes shifted to me. "Della? Are you okay? I didnt hear you. "
I stood there as it really sank in. I had dreamed of her. Yet I hadnt ha
d a night terror. "I dreamed about her. About my life then. And . . . and . . . I just woke up. No blood. I never saw the blood. I just woke up. "
Braden stared at me as she processed what I had told her. Then she set her milk down on the bar and ran over to me. Her arms wrapped around me. "Youre getting better. Already, youre getting better," she said in a teary voice.
I wanted to cry, too. I wanted to cry because I realized I might just have a chance at happiness. What if I was strong after all? What if, underneath all that fear, I had buried someone deep inside who was brave and could take on life without someone to lean on?
"I think Im going to be okay," I said out loud, because I needed to hear myself say it.
Braden squeezed me tighter. "I know youre going to be okay. I know it. "
We stood there holding each other in the kitchen for several moments before I pulled back. "Im not going to go crazy. I wont snap one day and become her. "
Braden wiped at the tears streaming down her face. "I know. Ive always known that. "
"But I didnt. I had seen her. I knew what she could be. I didnt want to be that too. "
"She was the woman who raised you but she wasnt your mother. "
I nodded. I knew that now. I was going to be okay. "I want to meet my . . . I want to meet my birth father. I need to see him. I need to see his family, too. "
Braden nodded. "Good. I think you should. "
I stepped back and turned to go back to the bedroom.
"Della," Braden said.
I glanced back at her. "Yes?"
"Call him. He needs to hear from you. "
She wasnt talking about my birth father. She was talking about Woods. I would have given anything to hear his voice. But I couldnt. He had moved on. He hadnt looked for me or tried to contact me. I had let him go and hed walked away. I couldnt bother him now. "I cant. "
"He misses you," she said.
"You dont know that. You assume it because you think what we had was a forever thing. But Woods has plans and Im not in them. I gave him what he wanted. Im not going to bother him again. "