As I got hold of them, I pulled open the door, and at the last moment stopped and turned back to see her looking after me. Her expression was full of hurt and disappointment, the same one that used to make me feel guilty as a kid, and it still did the trick as an adult. But this time there was something else mixed in with that look, something that made me want to shout at the top of my lungs…pity.
I clenched my jaw and held up the cigarettes. “I’ll be back in a few.” She merely shook her head, hating this habit of mine, but there was no way I could sit there in the house now that Halo had left. Yeah, because you made him, asshole.
As I walked onto the porch, I lit up and shut the door behind me, then I looked out onto the street and my feet came to a standstill. Halo was standing on the sidewalk under the streetlight staring up at the house. His hands were jammed in the pockets of his jeans, and the pissed-off expression on his face was one I’d never seen. His mouth was drawn taut, his body tense, and as I made myself move and walk down the stairs, his eyes zeroed in on me. Halo looked seconds away from exploding, and because I was the king of assholes tonight, I opened my mouth and hit the detonator.
“Decide to come back and apologize for being rude, huh?” As I stopped in front of him, I noticed the ticking in Halo’s jaw and told myself that the smart thing to do here was to back the fuck off. But I’d never been really good at doing the smart thing.
“You’ve got some nerve,” Halo finally said, and took a step toward me, and I wasn’t sure if it was because I wanted to be close to him or because I figured he should have a fair shot at punching me if he wanted to, but I didn’t back up.
I raised the cigarette to my lips and took a drag, and as I angled my head and exhaled, I said, “Oh yeah? How you figure?”
Halo’s eyes narrowed as though he were trying to work out who the fuck I was, and where the man he’d known for the past few months had up and disappeared to. But fuck, with the album close to dropping and the band about to explode, it was time to lay all this shit out. Put into perspective what could and couldn’t happen, and him thinking of me as extraordinary could not happen.
“Because you invited me out here tonight to meet your mom and then turned into a total dick. That’s how I figure.”
“A little bit touchy, aren’t you?” I said, bringing the cigarette back to my lips. But before I could take a drag, Halo reached out, snatched it from my hand, and threw it on the ground. Then he got all up in my face.
“I’d rather be touchy than a fucking coward.”
I reared back, the blow a low one, and as the impact of it slammed into me, I gritted my teeth and let my frustration at the situation rise to the surface.
I hadn’t wanted this. I hadn’t wanted all these complicated emotions pulling at me every time Halo was near. But as I stood there reeling from his blow, I did what I always did when someone backed me into a corner: I punched back with no thought other than landing a winning blow.
“I’m not a coward,” I said, my voice low. “I’m just smart enough to know when things have run their course. And this is one of them.”
“Is that right?” Halo let out a disgusted sound. Whether it was with himself for ever having touched me or me because I was being a piece of shit was anyone’s guess.
“You know it is. Bringing you here tonight was no different than bringing Killian or Jagger here. But then you had to go and make it something more in your head. Sorry, Angel, it’s just not like that for me. I told you. I don’t do love. I don’t do relationships—”
“You just do fucking.”
“That’s right.”
“And that’s all this was to you. That’s all I was to you? A fuck?” Halo spat the word at me, and I made myself stand still and not react to his emotions, because if I did that, I would likely grab him. Grab him and kiss his snarling, pissed-off lips, and the whole point of this shitshow was to end things. I hadn’t planned it to happen tonight, but we’d both known this thing had had a time limit, and Halo sure as fuck wouldn’t be the one to end it—so okay, I’d be the asshole. It was a role I was familiar with.