And if not? What did that mean for us? I hadn’t wanted to fall for him, but when I’d thought he might die, when he stood there determined to do whatever it took to distract the man who held me, I knew I already had. If anything happened to him, I’d be devastated, not because I’d be at the mercy of Lucien’s enemies or because I would have lost my wealthy protector who gave me extravagant gifts, but because I loved the man he was inside, the one I saw in moments like this.
“Rinse yourself, then step out and dry off,” Lucien commanded.
I did as he said. When the water shut off and Lucien emerged, I allowed myself to admire the gorgeous lines of his body as he dried himself. There was so much power in him, so much strength. I wanted to press myself against him and draw some of it into me.
I watched as a water droplet slid down the side of his neck, over the ridge of his collarbone, then farther down until it caught on his nipple. Without thinking, I leaned forward and caught it with my tongue. He sucked in his breath, and when I looked up at him, I didn’t see the heat I expected in his eyes. I saw surprise along with something soft and vulnerable.
I was afraid to speak. I didn’t want to risk breaking the mood. I didn’t know how to explain what I was feeling anyway, not in words he’d want to hear. I was still confused by my feelings for him, but I wanted to touch him. I had no doubts about that.
I lapped up a few more water droplets, one from his shoulder and another from the soft vee at the base of his neck, before I looked up at him again.
I’d accomplished my goal. There was heat in his eyes now.
He gripped my shoulders, holding me away from him.
“I would’ve run tonight. If I hadn’t been sick, I would have just kept going once I left the warehouse.” Why was I confessing this? Did I want to be punished? Maybe.
“I’m disappointed to hear that, Peter. What did you promise me?”
“To obey you. But I was scared. I didn’t want to see more bloodshed, and I didn’t want to know how far you would go to protect your family’s interests.”
“I’ll go as far as I need to go.”
I shivered. There was a hard edge to his voice, and it was clear he didn’t want me to question him. I should though. I should push for more answers. I should ask him to let me go. Instead, I stood there watching him, waiting to find out what he would do.
“What did I tell you would happen if you disobeyed me?”
“You would punish me.”
He reached for the pants he’d discarded before joining me in the shower. He began to slowly pull his belt from its loops. My pulse pounded in my ears as I watched him. Was I going to let him do this? Would he stop if I said no?
He slid the length of his belt through his hands and then doubled it over. “I want to punish you, Peter. I want to redden your ass so you’ll remember not to ever run from me again.”
He held my gaze, and I swallowed hard. Was this his way of asking my permission?
“Yes, sir. But just so you know, it wasn’t you I was running from. I mean… not…” Fuck. I didn’t know how to explain what I meant. “Not the real you.”
“The man you saw tonight is the real me.”
I shook my head. “No, he’s not.”
Lucien frowned, but I saw that vulnerable look in his eyes again before he took my hand and led me to the bench at the end of my bed. He sat and then gave me a slow assessing glance. “I’m going to give you what you need, Peter. Lie across my lap.”
That command, and the way he looked at me like he needed me as badly as I needed him, did me in. I remembered Sabrina telling me he was more vulnerable than I imagined. Right then, I believed it.
I went to my knees and positioned myself like he’d requested. It was both embarrassing and hot as fuck. Lucien’s hand teased the hair at the back of my neck, then his fingers traced my spine before caressing my ass.
I bit my lip, but a whimper escaped anyway. He slapped my ass, making me cry out. “You know the rules. Don’t stifle any of your reactions. You give me everything, every sound, every pant, every tear you need to shed. I want it all.”
“Yes, sir.”
“This is going to hurt, but you’re going to take it because I told you to. You’re here to serve me, and I’m here to take care of you. When you run, I can’t do that. You defied me, and I’m going to make you sorry for it. Then I’m going to make you come so hard you never want to run again.”