“You’re really going to be able to go again?”
“Are you calling me old?”
Riley grinned. “Never. Fuck, you’ve probably got more stamina than me.”
“If once is enough for you, Riley, you don’t have to—”
“No. I want you again, but I’d also be happy just to stay here as long as you’ll let me.”
I wanted him to stay forever.
“How is it that I feel like I know you so well, when I don’t really know much about you?”
“What do you want to know?”
“You’ll really answer?”
I frowned at him. “Of course I will.”
“Anything?”
I raised my brows. “Within reason.”
“Favorite color?”
“Blue”
“Favorite time of year?”
“Spring, just after breeding season.”
“Favorite candy?”
“Reese’s cups.”
“When did you know you were gay?”
I laughed. “Trying to sneak that one in?”
“Maaaybe.”
“I was probably ten or eleven when I started to realize that the way I looked at men—actors, singers, sports stars—wasn’t the same as other boys. But it wasn’t until I was fourteen and staying over at a friend’s house that I began to seriously think men were it for me. We were watching TV, and my friend’s older brother came in after taking a shower. He wasn’t wearing anything but his boxers. His chest was still damp, and he looked so damn good I had to drag a pillow over my lap to hide my hard-on. I ended up sneaking to the bathroom in the middle of the night to jerk off, imagining the things I wanted to do with his brother.”
Riley grinned. “That’s kind of adorable.”
“It’s embarrassing as hell. Thank God his brother left for college a few months later, or I might have taken to following him around like a lost puppy.”
Riley shook his head. “I can’t imagine you doing that. You’re so sure of yourself, so unapologetic.”
“Trust me, it took years of working through how I felt and learning not to give a fuck what people said about me to gain that confidence.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. So, what about you? When did you know you were gay?” Riley gave me a deer-in-headlights look, then turned away. “If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to.”
“No, it’s just…” He stayed turned away, but a few moments later, he started speaking again. “I think I always knew. I mean I was never interested in girls, not like a straight boy would be. And when friends talked about their crushes, I had to play along or just not say anything. But then…” He rolled over to face me, and his cheeks were bright red.
“Baby, you know you can tell me anything, right? I won’t laugh at you.”
“I… Yeah.”
“Come here.” I sat up, leaning against the headboard and pulled him onto my lap. “Is that better?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
“Good. You’ve got me all curious, so snuggle up and finish your story.”
“I was thirteen the first time I ever actually admitted to myself that I was gay. It was when you took care of me after I fell off the fence. You probably don’t even remember that though.”
“Of course I do. You wouldn’t let me drive you to urgent care because your dad would be mad that you were out in the pasture instead of at something he was making you go to.”
“Cotillion class.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course.”
“You iced my ankle and wrapped it and made me swear I would tell you if it got worse.”
“And I pestered you every day until I believed you when you said it didn’t hurt.”
Riley grinned. “Yep. You did. And I pretended to hate it.”
“But you didn’t?”
“No. I loved the attention from you. I think I would have even if I hadn’t gotten a boner the second you put your hand on my leg.”
“Fuck, boy.” How had I missed that?
“Sorry, but I did. I thought you were the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen.” He paused for a moment and then met my gaze. “I still do.”
“You were much too young then, but damn Riley, the man you’ve grown into, and I don’t just mean physically.”
He sighed. “I’m a mess.”
“Riley.” My stern tone made him jump.
“I’m learning how not to be.”
“Better.”
“Even after that day with you, I didn’t want to be gay, and I spent almost as much time wishing it away as I did jerking off to gay porn.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that. “I don’t see how you had time to do anything else.”
“I basically didn’t, but then you caught me with Alex, and you didn’t shame me.”
“How could I? I’m gay too.”
“That hasn’t stopped other men, including ones I’ve fucked.”
I clenched my fists. “It’s a good thing I don’t know who these bastards are.”
“Yeah, we should probably keep it that way.” Riley smiled up at me, color rising in his cheeks. “You’re the one who made me okay with it. It’s not like it was easy all the time after that or anything. But I didn’t wish for my feelings to disappear anymore, and once I got to college, I didn’t have to hide.”