He narrowed his eyes. “Would you now?”
“Damn it! Can’t we just talk through this?”
Devil’s expression softened. “Do you need me to stay tonight?”
If he did, I’d curl up around Lane and hold him, but I knew Joe’d had a long day. I could handle it. “No. Go home to Joe. I’ll stay up.”
He shook his head. “You’re tired as fuck.”
“I’ve stayed awake for days when I was worse off than this.”
“But you don’t have to. I’ve got your back. It’s okay to ask someone else for help.”
“Look, I know you’re used to relying on your family, but—”
“Giorgio, you’re like family now too.”
I stared at him, unable to think of what to say since I knew how much his family meant to him.
“You helped save Joe. As far as I’m concerned, that’s a debt I’ll never fully repay. If you need me to help you save the man you…”
He paused like he expected me to fill in the blank. “Lane is my client, and I…care about him, but—”
“I’m not fucking blind. I saw the way you looked at him. I’m going to stay tonight, and if you need us, the rest of my family will help too.”
“I wasn’t looking—”
“You were, and he looks at you the same way. Don’t bullshit me.”
“Fuck. You were trying to push me into saying something by flirting with him, weren’t you?”
Devil grinned. “Maybe.”
“Just because you and Joe are happy together doesn’t mean everybody needs to couple up.”
“No, it doesn’t. But I’m going to tell you what my cousin told me when I refused to tell Joe how I felt. Stop being afraid of what you feel and go after him. You won’t be happy unless you do.”
“I can’t.”
Devil gave me an assessing look. “I didn’t take you for a coward.”
Anger rush through me. I balled my fists and rose, but Devil held up his hands in surrender.
“Sit your ass down. If you don’t want to talk about it anymore, fine. But if you do, I’m here, and I’m going to stay here tonight so you can get some rest. If it happens you do that in Lane’s room then…”
“It’s the only bedroom.”
“How convenient.”
“I need to keep an eye on him.” Fuck, that sounded way too defensive.
“I told you I would stay awake and do that.”
“Give me a break, Devil.”
He grinned.
“I’m not afraid of saying it.” I fucking was, but I wasn’t going to admit it. “Lane’s a client, and X has a strict rule about messing around with clients.”
“So you’re telling me you haven’t—”
“It’s none of your fucking business what I’ve done with him.”
Devil nodded. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
“If X finds out, he’ll kill me.”
“Lane won’t be a client forever. You’re going to get this fucking bastard, then the job will be done, and you’ll be free to—”
“No, I won’t.”
“Why not?”
Wasn’t it obvious? “Lane doesn’t need somebody like me.”
“And Joe needed me?”
I huffed. “Apparently he did.”
“And you think that boy doesn’t need you?”
“He needs me to save his life. After that…”
I couldn’t tell him about X, but maybe I finally needed to talk about Thomas. “Imagine how you would have felt if you hadn’t been able to save Joe.”
The color drained from his face. “I…”
“Fuck, that was… I’m sorry, but I need you to understand why I can’t do this.”
“You lost someone.”
I nodded. A few moments passed before I could speak past the lump in my throat.
“You know I was special forces.”
“Right.”
“I got out because my last mission was fucked all to hell. I can’t talk about most of it, but there was a guy in my squad, Thomas. We started fooling around. After a while, things changed between us. Instead of just a fun way to pass the time, it became… something more.
“We tried to hide it, but X—he was my commanding officer—found out. He didn’t discipline us. Our tours were almost up, and Thomas wasn’t planning to re-up. X just told us to be careful, but that last mission… Thomas was pinned down, and I couldn’t get to him. By the time I got up in a helo where I could take an aerial shot, he was dead. Butchered by…” I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes. I wasn’t going to cry.
“Fuck, Gio. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t call me that.” I choked the words out. I knew Devil had used the nickname deliberately to distract me. I swiped at my eyes and took a breath to steady myself.
Devil laid a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry about Thomas.”
I held up my hand before he could say anything else. “Don’t tell me I shouldn’t let his death keep me from loving someone else because I can’t go through that again.”
“Can you walk away from Lane?”
I glanced toward the bedroom, then looked back at Devil. “I don’t know.”
22
Lane
I showered, and Mittens paced around in the bathroom, not wanting to leave me now that we’d been reunited. I’d turned up the thermostat, but it was still cold in the apartment, so I put on a sweatshirt and some sleep pants after my shower. For a while, I just sat on the bed, petting Mittens and wishing all the shit Alan had stirred up would go away. I wished I’d never met the fucker, but then… I would never have met Giorgio.