I took Lane’s hand and linked our fingers together. “Later, I want to know more about this man and the people who were attending that party. Some of them may also be involved in trafficking.”
He shivered. “I hate thinking about it.”
“Did they hurt you? Because if they did, I will—”
“No, not physically. Alan told me I hadn’t been worth his effort, and that I’d never amount to anything. He said I’d come crawling back to him, begging for his help, and that he realized what a disappointment I was when I refused to let him introduce me to more of his friends. I knew he meant more than me enduring a polite conversation with them.”
“Tell me you kicked his ass out.”
“I did. I told him not to call me again, and I changed my locks. I hadn’t planned to tell my mom what happened, but when she asked if I was still seeing him and if he’d scheduled a showing for me yet, I ended up spilling the whole story. She wanted to find a way to retaliate against him, but I told her to leave it alone. I didn’t hear from him for a while, then he started calling again and texting me. I didn’t respond at first, but finally, I answered a call so I could tell him to leave me alone.
“He refused to listen, and he tried everything to get me back—telling me he was sorry, telling me I was a fool for not taking the opportunities he could give me, shaming me, praising me. I ignored it all until he showed up at my door and demanded to be let in. That was the first time I called the police. The next time was when his driver showed up and tried to get in. Then Alan broke in and left the messages. After that, my mom helped me to get a restraining order and started insisting I hire a bodyguard. I told her I’d be fine.” Lane sniffled, and his voice became choked. “I said he wouldn’t try to hurt me. I just thought he was obsessed. I didn’t think… Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
He pulled his hand from mine and wiped at his eyes. I hated that he was crying. I would make sure Hendon and anyone else who’d scared Lane paid for this. “I’d promised not to say anything, and I didn’t want to scare you.”
“I would’ve stayed with you in the coffee shop if I’d known.”
“I know. I… I’m sorry.” I glanced over at him, and the pain in his eyes made my chest ache.
“Please don’t keep any more secrets from me.”
“I can’t promise that.” It would be easier to just agree with his request, but I didn’t want to lie to him again. I had a feeling before this was over it would come out that X was his father, but I wouldn’t be the one to tell him.
“Why not?”
“There are a lot of secrets in this job. I have to be good at keeping them.”
“I meant secrets about me, about Alan, and this whole fucking situation.”
“I know.”
“There’s something else, isn’t there? Something you’re still not telling me.”
“There’s nothing else you need to know to keep yourself safe.”
“Damn it, Giorgio—”
“It’s not my secret to share.”
“I don’t—”
“Please. I’d have to break a friend’s trust to tell you.”
He huffed. “How well do you know your boss?”
“If you’re worried he’s not trustworthy, you’re wrong.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“He was my commanding officer during my last tour of duty. I trust him with my life. I keep to myself a lot, but he’s probably the closest friend I have.”
“Fine, but I don’t like secrets.”
“I know. I’m not saying this is fair to you, but I can’t break a confidence.”
“I want to talk to your boss.”
“I’ll see what I can do about that tomorrow.”
Lane turned away and laid his head against the seat. At some point, he dozed off.
As I watched him sleep, I couldn’t help but worry I would fail him the way I had Thomas. What if I lost Lane again? He’d walked away from me before, and I hadn’t noticed. Was I losing my edge?
No. I just hadn’t taken his situation seriously enough. Now that I knew the real score, I wouldn’t let Lane out of my sight. He didn’t have the skills Thomas had had. He wasn’t going to be able to defend himself against an attacker, not like someone with my training anyway.
I’d cared for Thomas. I might not have ever said it, but I loved him, or at least I thought I had. Caring for him made me act rashly. I hadn’t been able to consider the mission objectively. Love made you impatient and impulsive and that was fucking dangerous. I’d seen it when I’d helped Devil Marchesi rescue Joe. I’d warned Devil I’d shoot him if that’s what it took to keep him from rushing in and fucking up our plan.